请还我们一个公道 A Greater Debt to Pay

bloodied for talking too loudly, or merely looking at my parents in a manner that made them feel I was even thinking a rebellious thought.[1] My parents rationalized that they simply were beating me to “Save me from the policeman’s bullet!” “God’s word dictates that we use the whip on you accordingly.”[2] Frequently I was whipped in tandem fashion[3] by both of my parents. To them, in the “real world” it did not matter whether I had broken any laws or committed any crimes, being black was sufficient to place a target on my back for the police to aim their weapons. Implicit also in this message was that all white people were only happy if black people were dead. Internalizing[4] these and other messages, I began writing poetry and also jogging. I loved running while wrestling with issues on the home front, with the white Jesus who had become inculcated in my brain as demanding sacrifices,[5] and with the unfair reach of the law. For my mental stability I ran a lot. There also seemed to be an “escape” offered in sports activities.

Luckily for me, when I was nearly drowning[6] in our High School swimming pool, a white classmate whom I did not know, jumped into the pool and saved me. During this episode I could clearly see the white gym teacher standing at the edge impassively watching.[7] To this day I never knew the identity of my student rescuer. At this school there were very few cross-cultural contacts visible. Minority group members were simply invisible unless involved in sports. Everyone acted hush-hush[8] about the incident. I was quite embarrassed. So we all acted as if nothing had happened. But I had become so shaken by this event that I withdrew from the swim class, and never went near water until well into my adulthood, some fifteen or twenty years later. However, not only had a white youth saved my life, but also many years later another white student within one of my own speech classes taught me how to swim. I had long ago accepted the fact that not all white people were my enemy.

Another stroke of good fortune to befall[9] me was public speaking competition. Through my participation on college and university debate teams, I learned early a