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她用短短几段话解释恋人为什么会分手,148万网友点赞

中国日报双语新闻 2018-09-02 10:00

相爱的人为什么会分手?这可能是很多人苦苦求索而不得的一大难题。

明明海誓山盟言犹在耳,执子之手的承诺仿如昨日,怎么一转眼就变了?

 

25岁的诗人Taylor Myers在社交媒体Tumblr上写了几段话,不加掩饰地表露了自己对爱的恐惧,而正是这短短的几段话,戳中了百万人的心,收到148万的点赞和转发评论。

Her post, raw, fearful and full of regret, touched many people who had experienced the shocking contrasts between the intense, burning adoration of young love, and the cold ashes of realism that remain once the fire has faded.
她的帖子未加矫饰,带着恐惧,充满遗憾,触动了许多人的心。这些人都经历过两种感情的强烈对比——年少热恋时强烈而炙热的爱慕,和一旦激情爱火燃尽后,只剩现实冰冷的灰烬。

一起来看看她的原话:

A lot of people ask me what my biggest fear is, or what scares me most. And I know they expect an answer like heights, or closed spaces, or people dressed like animals, but how do I tell them that when I was 17 I took a class called Relationships For Life and I learned that most people fall out of love for the same reasons they fell in it.
很多人问我,我最大的恐惧是什么,或者什么东西让我最害怕。我知道他们希望得到诸如恐高、密闭空间或扮成动物的人这类答案。但我怎么告诉他们呢,17岁的时候,我上了一堂“人生情感”的课程,发现大多数人不爱了的原因和当初坠入爱河的原因完全相同。

That their lover’s once endearing stubbornness has now become refusal to compromise and their one track mind is now immaturity and their bad habits that you once adored is now money down the drain.
他们爱人身上曾经可爱的固执如今成了不肯妥协,他们曾经一根筋的蛮劲如今成了不成熟的表现,他们曾惹你喜爱的坏习惯如今成了烧钱的事儿。

Their spontaneity becomes reckless and irresponsible and their feet up on your dash is no longer sexy, just another distraction in your busy life.
他们的真性情成了鲁莽和不负责任,他们把脚翘在仪表盘上的动作不再性感迷人,只不过是你繁忙生活中另一件让人心烦意乱的事情。

Nothing saddens and scares me like the thought that I can become ugly to someone who once thought all the stars were in my eyes.
对于那个曾认为世间一切灿烂星辰尽在我眼中的人而言,我可能会变得丑陋不堪,一想到这些,没有什么事比这更令我悲伤、害怕了。

 

这篇文章发布后,引起了网友的广泛共鸣。

Taylor完全没想到自己的这篇文章会爆火,之后她又写了一篇文章,进一步分享自己上过的情感课程和对爱情、婚姻的看法。

She had no idea the post would take off this much, so she wrote a follow-up post to clarify a few things about the class and the love lessons she learned.
她完全没想到这篇帖子会这么火,所以又写了一篇文章解释了一下关于课程和她所学到的爱情心得。

相比于上一篇帖子,她从另一个角度分享自己的看法,然后,又戳中了大量网友的心!

爱到底是什么?是种感觉,还是种选择呢?来听听Taylor怎么说。

I never expected this to be my most popular poem out of the hundreds I've written. I was extremely bitter and sad when I wrote this and I left out the most beautiful part of that class.
我从没想过这会成为我写过的上百首诗歌里最受欢迎的。写作那篇文章的时候,我内心极度痛苦、悲伤,而忽略了那个课程最美好的部分。

After my teacher introduced us to this theory, she asked us, "is love a feeling? Or is it a choice?" We were all a bunch of teenagers. Naturally we said it was a feeling. She said that if we clung to that belief, we'd never have a lasting relationship of any sort.
老师给我们介绍了这个理论后,她问道:“爱是一种感觉?还是一种选择呢?”我们一群青少年,很自然地回答说是一种感觉。她说,如果我们坚持这种观念,将永远无法拥有任何一种长久的关系。

She made us interview a dozen adults who were or had been married and we asked them about their marriages and why it lasted or why it failed. At the end, I asked every single person if love was an emotion or a choice.
她让我们去采访了一些曾结过婚或处于婚姻中的成年人,询问他们的婚姻状况,为何长久或为何以失败告终。最后,我问每一个人,爱是一种情感还是一种选择。

Everybody said that it was a choice. It was a conscious commitment. It was something you choose to make work every day with a person who has chosen the same thing.
每个人都说,爱是种选择。爱是一种有意识的承诺,是你选择和一个人日复一日坚持维系下去的一件事,而那个人也同样选择这么做。

They all said that at one point in their marriage, the "feeling of love" had vanished or faded and they weren't happy. They said feelings are always changing and you cannot build something that will last on such a shaky foundation.
他们都说,在自己婚姻中的某一刻,这种“爱的感觉”消失了,或褪色了,他们不再感到快乐。他们说,感觉一直在变,在这种摇摇欲坠的基础上,你建不起来什么长久的东西。

The married ones said that when things were bad, they chose to open the communication, chose to identify what broke and how to fix it, and chose to recreate something worth falling in love with.
还在一起的人说当情况不妙时,他们会选择沟通,去搞清楚到底哪里出问题了,要怎么修复。他们会选择重新创造一些事情,值得双方去投入感情。

The divorced ones said they chose to walk away.
离婚人士则表示,他们选择了离开。

Ever since that class, since that project, I never looked at relationships the same way. I understood why arranged marriages were successful.
自从参加那个课程以后,我看待情感关系的方式完全不同了。我也明白了,为什么包办婚姻会成功。

I discovered the difference in feelings and commitments. I've never gone for the person who makes my heart flutter or my head spin. I've chosen the people who were committed to choosing me, dedicated to finding something to adore even on the ugliest days. 我发现了感情和承诺之间的区别。我从未主动靠近那些撩拨我心弦或让我劳神的人。我选择的都是那些承诺选择我的人,他们愿意认真去寻找一些哪怕在最不堪的日子里也能让人心生喜欢的东西。

I no longer fear the day someone who swore I was their universe can no longer see the stars in my eyes as long as they still choose to look until they find them again.
我不再害怕那些说我是他们整个宇宙的人有一天在我的眼中看不到星星,只要他们仍选择继续寻找,总有一天,星辰会再次出现。

在她的贴文下面,深有感触的网友纷纷留言。

53岁的老直男,三月娶了一个25岁的姑娘。你真的要坚持不懈地寻找那些星辰,如果你找到了,它们总会留在那儿的。

这个道理最让人戳心的一点是,你要确定自己的伴侣是真的也选择对这段感情付出承诺,还是他们只是懒得选择而和你在一起。

最让人心痛的是,当你仍然愿意做出选择时,对方却已经放弃了。

最近刚分手,心如刀割,这篇文章帮了大忙(让我哭得更凶了……)

这就是“迷恋”与“成熟的爱”之间的区别。这是一种选择,需要经营。

行动才是最有力的语言。我已经厌倦了听甜言蜜语,却看不到一点爱的表现。

此文让我想起托马斯•孟荪的名言:“选你所爱,爱你所选。”我们常常忘掉爱情就像玫瑰,只有细心滋养才能盛放。

也有人不同意作者的观点:

我不同意。爱是一种感情,一种感觉,人们常将其和其他转瞬即逝的情感混淆。选择是伴随着承诺而来的。你可以选择爱而不承诺,也可以选择承诺而不爱。前者不会长久,后者却可维持下去。但爱的同时付出承诺,才是最完美的结果。

还有不少网友为想结婚的人提了很实在的建议:

别!太!早!结!婚!年轻时的婚姻,几乎都是基于单纯的感情,你需要足够成熟才能做出理智的决定。

我建议人们保持单身,直到你遇到一个真正能让你的生活比单身时更加美满的人。不然,结婚就不值得。

好好了解自己,让自己的内心强大起来,这样你才能建立一个健康公平的底线,明确自己不能容忍哪些事情,比如“我不会容忍你生气时就对我人身攻击。”一个健康的界限,用有爱的方式商讨清楚,有助于巩固感情。

爱情是感情还是选择,你对此有什么看法,欢迎讨论。

编辑:唐晓敏 左卓
来源:Boredpanda

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