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有这10个特点的人最讨人喜欢,你占了几个?

China Daily英文微信 2018-11-04 09:00

It's hard to say exactly why you like someone.
有时候,我们很难讲清为什么会喜欢某个人。

Maybe it's their goofy smile; maybe it's their razor-sharp wit; or maybe it's simply that they're easy to be around.
也许是因为他们憨厚可人的笑容;也许是因为他们的聪慧机敏;也许仅仅只是因为他们很好相处。

But scientists generally aren't satisfied with answers like that, and they've spent years trying to pinpoint the exact factors that draw one person to another.
但是科学家们并不满足于这个答案,于是他们花费了数年来研究到底是哪些因素将人与人联系在了一起。

Below, we've rounded up some of their most intriguing findings. Read on for insights that will cast your current friendships in a new light — and will help you form better relationships, faster.
下面,我们汇总了一些他们的有趣发现。阅读过后,你或许会对自己现阶段的友情产生新的认识,也许这篇文章将帮助你迅速建立更好的人际关系。

1. Copy the person you're with
模仿对方

This strategy is called mirroring, and involves subtly mimicking another person's behavior. When talking to someone, try copying their body language, gestures, and facial expressions.
这一方法被称为镜像模仿,也就是模仿对方的行为。在你与他人交谈的过程中,试着模仿他们的肢体语言、小动作和表情。

In 1999, New York University researchers documented the "chameleon effect", which occurs when people unconsciously mimic each other's behavior. That mimicry facilitates liking.
1999年,纽约大学的研究员就曾证明过 “变色龙效应”——当双方下意识地模仿对方的行为时,会增加相互间的好感。

Researchers had 72 men and women work on a task with a partner. The partners (who worked for the researchers) either mimicked the other participant's behavior or didn't, while researchers videotaped the interactions. At the end of the interaction, the researchers had participants indicate how much they liked their partners.
研究人员让72位男女分别与一位搭档组成一组,合作完成任务。搭档则在研究员的要求下选择模仿或者不模仿参与者的动作。与此同时,研究员用录像机记录整个过程。在互动结束后,参与者被要求表示出对搭档的喜爱程度。

Sure enough, participants were more likely to say that they liked their partner when their partner had been mimicking their behavior.
果然,当搭档模仿参与者动作时,更容易获得参与者的好感。

2. Compliment other people
称赞他人

People will associate the adjectives you use to describe other people with your personality. This phenomenon is called spontaneous trait transference.
在谈话中,人们往往会将对方描述别人的词语与对方的个人品质联系在一起。这一现象被称为“自发特质移情”。

If you describe someone else as genuine and kind, people will also associate you with those qualities. The reverse is also true: If you are constantly trashing people behind their backs, your friends will start to associate the negative qualities with you as well.
如果你把另一个人描述为真诚和善良,对方也会认为你是真诚和善良的。反之亦然:如果你总与你的朋友在背后说别人的坏话,你的朋友会认为你也具有相同的特征。

3. Try to display positive emotions
展示积极的情绪

Emotional contagion describes what happens when people are strongly influenced by the moods of other people. According to a research paper from the Ohio University and the University of Hawaii, people can unconsciously feel the emotions of those around them.
情绪是会传染的,人们的心情深受他人情绪的影响。俄亥俄大学和夏威夷大学的一篇研究论文表明,人们会无意识地感知到周围的情绪。

The authors of the paper say that's possibly because we naturally mimic others' movements and facial expressions, which in turn makes us feel something similar to what they're feeling.
论文的作者说,这很大程度上是因为我们自然而然地会模仿他人的动作和表情,所以对他人的情绪也能感同身受。

If you want to make others feel happy when they're around you, do your best to communicate positive emotions.
如果你想让你周围的人快乐,就努力展示积极的情绪吧。

4. Reveal your flaws from time to time
偶尔暴露自己的缺点

According to the pratfall effect, people will like you more after you make a mistake — but only if they believe you are a competent person. Revealing that you aren't perfect makes you more relatable and vulnerable toward the people around you.
根据“仰巴脚效应”,对于优秀的人来说,一些微小的失误会增加别人对他们的好感,因为展示出不完美的一面会让他们与别人更加亲近。

Researcher Elliot Aronson asked male students from the University of Minnesota to listen to tape recordings of people taking a quiz.
研究员Elliot Aronson邀请了几位来自明尼苏达大学的男同学参与试验,要求他们收听一段测验时的录音。

When people did well on the quiz but spilled coffee at the end of the interview, the students rated them higher on likability than when they did well on the quiz and didn't spill coffee or didn't do well on the quiz and spilled coffee.
实验结果表明,男同学们更喜欢那些虽然笔试成绩优秀,但是在面试的最后阶段弄洒咖啡的人,而不是那些笔试面试都完美无缺、或者表现都不好的人。

5. Casually touch them
不时进行身体接触

Subliminal touching occurs when you touch a person so subtly that they barely notice. Common examples include tapping someone's back or touching their arm, which can make them feel more warmly toward you.
当你在对方几乎没有发现的情况下,轻轻地触碰对方时,就发生了下意识触碰。常见的例子有:轻拍他人的后背或者手臂,让他们感觉到温暖和亲近。

A University of Mississippi and Rhodes College experiment studied the effects of interpersonal touch on restaurant tipping, and had some waitresses briefly touch customers on the hand or shoulder as they were returning their change. As it turns out, those waitresses earned significantly larger tips than the ones who didn't touch their customers.
密西西比大学和罗德学院开展了一项实验,让餐厅的一些服务员在找零的时候轻碰顾客的手或者肩膀,从而研究肢体接触是否会对小费有影响。结果表明,进行身体接触的服务员得到的小费远高于其它员工。

6. Display a sense of humor
展现你的幽默感

Research from Illinois State University and California State University at Los Angeles found that, regardless of whether people were thinking about their ideal friend or romantic partner, a sense of humor was really important.
伊利诺伊州立大学和加利福尼亚州立大学的研究员发现,人们心中的理想朋友或伴侣都普遍具有一个重要特质,那就是幽默。

A study from researchers at DePaul University and Illinois State University found that using humor when you're first getting to know someone can make the person like you more.
一个由德保尔大学和伊利诺伊州立大学开展的研究发现,在第一次见面时展现出幽默感的人会给对方留下很好的印象。

In fact, the study suggested that participating in a humorous task (like having someone wear a blindfold while the other person teaches them a dance) can increase romantic attraction.
事实上,这一研究发现一些有趣的活动(譬如蒙住眼睛,在对方的指导下跳舞)往往可以使异性之间相互吸引。

7. See the other person how they want to be seen
以对方期待的方式来看待他们

People want to be perceived in a way that aligns with their own beliefs about themselves. This phenomenon is described by self-verification theory. We all seek confirmations of our views, positive or negative.
每个人都希望他人对自己的看法和自己对自己的看法是一致的。这一现象被称为“自我验证理论”。无论评价是积极还是消极,我们每时每刻都在寻求外界对自己想法的认同。

For a series of studies at Stanford University and the University of Arizona, participants with positive and negative perceptions of themselves were asked whether they wanted to interact with people who had positive or negative impressions of them.
斯坦福大学和亚利桑那大学开展了的一系列的相关研究,将参与者分为自我评价较高和较低的两部分,并询问这两组人更喜欢与赞美他们的人交往还是批评他们的人交往。

The participants with positive self-views preferred people who thought highly of them, while those with negative self-views preferred critics. This could be because people like to interact with those who provide feedback consistent with their known identity.
自我评价较高的人喜欢赞美他们的人,然而对自己有负面评价的人更喜欢批评他们的人。这是因为每个人都喜欢与和自己想法一致的人相处。

8. Tell them a secret
分享秘密

Self-disclosure may be one of the best relationship-building techniques.
自我坦白或许是建立友谊最好的方式。

You can try this technique on your own as you're getting to know someone. For example, you can build up from asking easy questions (like the last movie they saw) to learning about the people who mean the most to them in life.
你可以在和对方初次见面的时候试试这个技巧。你可以先问一些简单的问题(比如他们上次看的电影)来了解哪些事物在对方生活中占据着重要的位置。

When you share intimate information with another person, they are more likely to feel closer to you and want to confide in you in the future.
当你与他人分享私人信息时,他们会感觉与你更加亲近,并会更加信赖你。

9. Show that you can keep their secrets, too
保守秘密

Two experiments led by researchers at the University of Florida, Arizona State University, and Singapore Management University found that people place a high value on both trustworthiness in their relationships.
佛罗里达大学、亚利桑那大学和新加坡管理大学的几位研究者发现,人们很重视人际关系中的信誉。

This trait proved especially important when people were imagining their ideal friend and ideal employee.
信誉也是人们理想中朋友和员工的一大重要特质。

10. Let them talk about themselves
让他们尽情地谈论自己

Harvard researchers recently discovered that talking about yourself may be inherently rewarding, the same way that food, money, and sex are.
来自哈佛的研究员最近发现谈论自己本身就是一件对自我有益的事情,就像食物、金钱和性一样。

In other words, letting someone share a story or two about their life instead of blabbing about yours could give them more positive memories of your interaction.
也就是说,我们应该让对方多分享自己的故事,而不是滔滔不绝地讲自己的事情。前者更能给对方留下好印象。

编辑:张曦
实习生:王浩云
来源:Business Insider

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