“沙发、座机画质、考古视频”……原来外国网友也爱这些弹幕 The Worst YouTube Comments That Really Need to Die

弹幕和评论早已成了看视频的“佐餐必备”。要是弹幕不够会“养肥了”再来看；刷完视频也不会退出，左滑进去评论区看看网友的才华巧思。

英文互联网中的弹幕网站并没有它们的强大对手YouTube那么大的体量。在YouTube上虽没有弹幕，但是评论区却是跟B站有着许多相似之处，你看。

抢沙发
First!

For some unknown reason, many people feel like it's an accomplishment to leave the first comment on a video. Thus, you'll find a "First!" comment on nearly every video, especially if you're among the first viewers.
不知什么原因，很多人觉得在视频下面留下第一条评论是一种成就。因此你会发现几乎每一个视频下面都有人评论“第一！”，如果你是头一批点进去的尤其能看到这种评论。

Nowadays, YouTube only lets you sort comments by the best first or newest first. So even if anyone cared (which they don't), there's really no way to see who was first. If you somehow stumble upon a video with zero comments, resist the temptation to leave this comment. Add something of value instead.
如今，YouTube只允许你按最新评论或最佳评论排序。所以即使有人想看（没人），也真的没有办法知道谁是第一。如果你无意中发现了一个没有评论的视频，请抵制留下这种评论的诱惑，评论点有价值的东西。

抢第一这个习惯在B站也是由来已久，早年间弹幕里会飘过非常多的“第一”。现在弹幕和评论区也会留下许多“xx分钟”、“刚出锅 滚烫”、“烫手”，表示自己看到这个视频的时候，该视频是多久前发出的，好像谁的时间短谁才是真爱粉一样。

有厌烦这类弹幕的用户就会抢先留下“下面请欣赏考试倒数名次”这样的弹幕以示回击。

这就是座机画质吗？
Was This Filmed on a Potato?

You're always sure to find a comment like this on videos of extremely poor quality. Whether it's old and recorded on primitive hardware, or is instead shaky or out of focus, someone always points it out. If you're actually able to record a video with a potato, please let us know.
你一定会在画质极差的视频里找到这样的评论。要么是老视频，要么是用原始设备拍的，或者是画面摇晃没对准焦，总会有人这么评论。不过如果你真的能用土豆录制视频，请告知我们。

B站也不乏许多画质糟糕的视频，多集中于“鬼畜区”。这些年代久远的视频画质堪忧丝毫没有阻挡它们成为鬼畜顶流视频的素材，甚至糟糕的画质本身就是鬼畜揶揄调侃的一部分。

有人20xx年还在看这个吗？
Is Anyone Else Watching This in 20xx?

Find a popular YouTube video that's been around for years, or a music video of an old song, and you're sure to see this comment. Many others have watched the video this year and will continue to do so for years to come.
搜一个流行多年的YouTube视频或者一首老歌的MV，你肯定会看到这种评论。很多人今年看了这段视频，在今后几年里也会有人看。

这一点在中文互联网的视频中也十分常见，“2021年回来留言”、“2019年还在看”在某些值得回味的音乐视频或者其他经典视频中简直是一道景观。

看下我的频道！
Check Out My Channel!

You’ll often see people leave comments on videos asking others to check out their channel. A lot of the time the linked channels aren't anything special. Sometimes these commenters are young kids who say they "don't have a chance" in an attempt to get sympathy. It's difficult to gain a following on YouTube, but you should do so by creating quality content instead of begging for views.
你经常会看到人们在视频上留言要求其他人逛下他们的频道。大多数时候链接的频道没有什么特别的。有时候这些评论者都是小孩儿，说自己“没有流量”，试图获得同情。在YouTube上获得粉丝的确很难，但你应该通过创建高质量的内容来做到这一点，而不是乞求浏览量。

点踩的都是什么心态？
Witty Dislike Comments

Unless the owner disables the function, YouTube lets everyone see how many likes/dislikes a video has. On videos with mostly likes, people will often leave a comment "explaining" why the small number of people disliked the video. For instance, someone might comment "50k people got so hyped that they hit the dislike button by accident".
除非视频博主禁用该功能，否则YouTube可以让每个人看到一个视频有多少赞/踩。在大多数人喜欢的视频上，人们通常会留下评论“解释”为什么少数人不喜欢这个视频。例如，有人可能会评论说：“有5万人嗨到意外按了踩”。

因为YouTube有给视频点踩的功能，因此看到踩数的人可能就会在评论里嘲讽与自己喜好不同人，不仅要抨击人家不分场合说话，甚至会上升到人身攻击。

引用视频里的某句话
Quoting the Video

Don't have anything witty to say? Why not just take a quote from the video and paste it as your comment? This is a common sight. Whether it's because people are just lazy or because they want to garner as many pointless thumbs-up ratings as possible, we're not sure.
实在没什么评论好写吗？为什么不直接从视频中引用一句话粘贴成评论呢？这种现象太常见了。不懂是因为人们太懒还是他们想获得尽可能多的毫无意义的点赞。

但是直接把视频里的某句话搬运到评论区里说出来在B站可能纯粹就是认同up主的观点，某些时候可能也是用来开玩笑。直接引用视频文本的目的可以有很多，不会是像YouTube里一样很多都有抄袭骗赞嫌疑。

有谁是因为xxx来的吗？
Anyone Else Here Because of...?

Here's another one you'll see on all sorts of videos. A music track featured in a video game, an original video referenced by a remixer, and similar ones always have comments like this. It's great that you're expanding your horizons like this, but you really don't need to let everyone know how you found the video.
各种视频里你都可能见到这种评论。游戏里的音乐原声视频，混音师提到的原音乐视频，类似这种的都会出现这条评论。能这样拓宽阅片挺好的，但是你真的不必让别人知道你是怎么找到这个视频的。

在B站这类弹幕或者评论简直太多，音乐原声带的相关视频自不必说，另外因为视频底下都会有推荐视频，因此这些推荐视频下面很难不出现“从xxx那儿来”这样的评论/弹幕。

我刚刚看了啥？
What Did I Just Watch?

Similar to the "I'm in the weird part of YouTube again" comment, this one is another stale response. If the video really was weird, why not talk about what makes it so strange instead of leaving this bland remark?
跟“我现在逛到YouTube奇怪的分区了”这条评论类似，“我刚刚看了啥？”这条也是被用烂了。如果视频真的很奇怪，为啥不直接说奇怪的原因呢，留这条毫无意义的评论干嘛？

表示自己宁愿临终时也在看这个视频
Your Final Moments

To express how much they love a video, you'll often see people leave a comment like these:
为了表示自己多么喜欢一条视频，你经常会看到有人评论说：

1.best hour of my life. 人生中最棒的一小时
2.I hope people didn’t die watching this. 我希望看这条视频的人没因此故去
3.Doctor: You have one hour to live. 医生：你只有一小时可活了
Me: (Opens this video) 我：（打开了这条视频）

I don't know if watching a YouTube video would be in my short list of what to do in my final hours, but I think I'll need a doctor if I see another one of these comments.
我不知道我的遗愿清单里会不会有一条是必须得看某个视频，但我觉得我要是再看到这种评论我就得看医生了。

后面这几条YouTube的评论现象在中文互联网上并不太常见，B站的弹幕自然也有评论没有的体验。

比方说可以在心爱的视频下与其他正在看视频的小伙伴打招呼——“另外3个朋友你们好啊”——虽说人家可能在进度条的后面，看不到你的惺惺相惜，但丝毫不妨碍后来者发现同好并找到归属感。

Notes

stumble [ˈstʌmbl] v 跌跌撞撞地走
primitive [ˈprɪmətɪv] adj 原始的；远古的
stale [steɪl] adj 陈腐的；没有新意的；老掉牙的

编辑：李雪晴
来源: MakeUseOf