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“煤气灯效应”上热搜,这几种有毒的“情感关系”也要注意了…… Gaslighting is the modern dating trend could leave you damaged

China Daily 2021-12-25 08:00

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近日,“煤气灯效应”(the Gaslight Effect)再次进入公众视野并登上热搜,引发网友广泛关注。那么,什么是“煤气灯效应”?


以“爱”之名进行情绪控制


在心理学中,通过“扭曲受害者眼中的真实”来对对方进行情绪控制的操纵行为,被称为“煤气灯操纵法” 。


而“煤气灯效应”的概念,源自帕特里克·汉密尔顿1938年创作的剧本。1944年,改编自该剧本的经典黑色悬疑片《煤气灯下》(Gaslight)问世。影片讲述了丈夫为了谋取妻子的财产,千方百计把妻子逼疯的故事。


剧中,妻子看到了微弱的煤气灯光,丈夫却一直否认,说她看错了。妻子单纯地爱着丈夫,对其深信不疑,久而久之就确信自己真的哪里出了毛病。


美国心理学家Robin Stern受到电影的启发,结合20年的临床经验,写出了轰动一时的书——《煤气灯效应:远离情感暴力和操纵狂》。


US-based author of The Gaslight Effect, Dr Robin Stern, outlined the insidious nature of gaslighting, writing: "It's a form of emotional abuse and manipulation that is difficult to recognize and even harder to break free from."
《煤气灯效应》的美国作者Robin Stern博士指出了“煤气灯”的阴险本质:“这是一种难以识别的情感虐待和操纵,甚至更难以摆脱。”

[Photo/pexels]


后来,“煤气灯效应”就被广泛的用于指代这种情感虐待(emotional abuse)。


在亲密伴侣关系中,这种效应的表现方式较为隐秘而微妙(imperceptible and subtle)。比如,操控者会常说“你神经过敏”,“是你太敏感了”,“你一定记错了”……


The term describes a type of emotional abuse, and unlike other forms, is difficult to recognise because it distorts a person's sense of reality.
这个词描述的是一种情感虐待,和其它虐待形式不同,这种情感虐待很难识别,因为它扭曲了一个人对现实的认知。


一方面,不断否定你的一切;另一方面,强调这是爱。身处在一段“煤气灯效应”作怪的关系中,会给人带来非常大的负面影响。


据《每日邮报》,“煤气灯效应”甚至会导致严重抑郁。


At its mildest, gaslighting leaves women uneasy, wondering why they always seem to end up in the wrong.
“煤气灯效应”轻则令女性感到不安,奇怪自己为什么总是做错。


At it's worst, gaslighting leads to major depression, with formerly strong, vibrant women reduced to abject misery and self-hatred.
重则导致严重抑郁,使得原本强大活泼的女性变得自怜自艾并且自我憎恨。


据央视新闻,心理学家彭凯平分析,被精神操纵的受害者会经历三个阶段:①自我怀疑;②深度依赖;③自暴自弃。最终被“洗脑”,无法逃脱。


警惕有毒的情感关系


一段好的感情可以让人拥有好心情,彼此成就。而一段消极的恋情,则会让人悲观、甚至抑郁。因此,在一段情感关系中,如果出现了以下特点就要提高警惕了。


Ghosting
神秘消失


It can happen when you've met up a few times, or even after things get serious - but constitutes when someone literally removes you from their life, without warning.
这种情况多见于你们见过几次面,甚至关系变得更认真的时候,你却突然被对方从生活中移除了,毫无征兆。


Slow Fade
逐渐隐匿


This is where someone gradually backs away from a potential relationship, but doesn't cut all ties immediately.
在这种情况下,对方会逐渐放弃一段潜在的关系,但不会立即断绝所有的联系。


Breadcrumbing
撒面包屑


This is when someone leaves a trail of small but flirtatious messages for a potential date, with no intention of meeting.
这种情况是指某人给潜在的约会对象发了一串短却撩的信息,但没有任何要见面的意思。

Taking its name from the classic tale of Hansel and Gretel, breadcrumbing involves leading someone on with a trail of flirtatious messages but never following through.
面包屑这个名字源于经典童话故事《韩塞尔与葛雷特》(Hansel and Gretel),这里指的是一方用一系列暧昧信息让另一方产生恋爱错觉,但是从不进行后续发展。


Benching
备胎


Before couples have 'the talk' and define their relationship - also known by the acronym 'DTR' - either party is at risk of being 'benched'.
在双方挑明、确定关系之前(DTR),双方都可能是对方的“备胎”。

This happens when one person is unsure of their future with their current partner and so puts them on the 'bench' - as with sports team reserves - and looks at other options. If nothing better comes along, they might come back into play.
当一个人不确定要和目前的伴侣共度未来时,可能就会去寻找新目标,而将现任视为“备胎”,仿佛是体育队伍里的候补队员。而如果没有更好的选择,他们还是会回归现状。


Zombie-ing
僵尸回归


This is when someone has already ghosted his or her way out of a relationship - but then tries to come back.
某人已经放弃这段关系,却又想吃回头草。


Social media has also opened up a new playing field for zombies, who can now 'like', 'comment' or 'follow' their way back onto their target's radar.
社交媒体也给这些要吃回头草的人打开了新世界的大门,他们可以通过“点赞”、“评论”和“关注”重回对方视线。


Layby
路边停车


'Layby' refers to someone who is in a relationship but looking to get out. Instead of risking a period of singleness when it eventually ends, a layby starts laying the groundwork with other women or men who they might want to date next.
“路边停车”指的是对方虽然还在跟你谈恋爱,但是已经在想着分手了。这种人在分手以后不会有空窗期,因为他们已经想好了下一个可能的约会对象,并且为此着手准备了。


Those being pursued by a layby should be wary as he or she might well have a number of 'next' options lined up - not to mention the fact that they are not technically single.
要是被这种人追求,你可就要当心了,因为对方很有可能同时追求很多人,更别说其可能还没真正单身。


Catch and release
追到就跑


On the other end of the spectrum is the dater who practises the 'catch and release'.
另一种极品约会者就是那些一追到手就把对方甩了的人。


This is a move favoured by those who enjoys the 'chase' part of a relationship, the first flirtations before any commitments are made.
有的人在一段关系中最享受“追逐”的体验,也就是在作出任何实质性承诺之前的暧昧调情。


真正的爱,是建立在尊重与平等之上的,任何以爱之名给予的情感暴力和精神控制都需要警惕。

 

编辑:李金昳 左卓
来源:央视新闻,每日邮报,NBC News, Healthy Place

 

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