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在互定终身前 一定要搞清楚这7件事 7 things you should know about your partner before you decide to settle down with them

中国日报网 2018-08-17 08:55

茫茫人海中遇到一个自己真心喜欢的人很难得,沉醉在爱情中的你开始幻想和对方步入婚姻殿堂,但是——且慢!那个人真的适合做你的终身伴侣吗?七夕节打算求爱或被求爱的你,在做出承诺之前,有几件事是你必须弄清楚的。

Insider网站截图

1. Firstly, ask them what they're looking for.

弄清对方为什么选择你

"You don't need to ask if they want to go out with you straight away," said Claire Stott, a data analyst at dating app Badoo. "But you can say 'Are you in the market for looking for something?' or 'What are you looking for?' And this gives you an indicator of whether they're looking for something a bit more than something lighthearted."

约会应用Badoo的数据分析师克莱尔·斯托特说:“你不用直接问对方为什么想和你在一起,但你可以用这种方式提问:你为什么来相亲?你想找个什么样的伴侣?通过这种问题,你就能知道对方是否只是随便玩玩。

They might be honest and tell you they're not looking for anything serious — and that's fine. But they might also say they are willing to settle for the right person, which gives you the indication you're not wasting your time. It's rather that than finding out later on that you were one of seven other people they were hanging out with.

他们也许坦诚相告,说自己不是在找结婚对象,这也没事。不过他们也许会说,如果遇到对的人他们也愿意安定下来,暗示你没有在浪费时间。现在就问清楚,总比后来才发现对方同时在跟好几个人约会要好。

 

2. Are they content with life?

他们对现在的生活感到满足吗?

It sounds quite deep for the start of a relationship, when everything is supposed to be fun and carefree. But Stott said it's a good idea to find out if someone is happy with where they are in their life.

刚开始一段恋情就问这种问题似乎太深沉了,爱情最初的阶段本该是开心有趣、无忧无虑的。但是斯托特认为,最好能知道对方是否满足于现在的生活。

"Because being fairly content is a sign you are at least mentally ready to meet someone and have a relationship with another person," she said. "And a lot of that comes from, it sounds really cheesy, but loving yourself before you can love someone else. And if you're meeting someone who's really upset with their life... it can be a bit of a warning sign they aren't quite ready to open up their life to a relationship."

斯托特说:“对自己的生活满足说明你的精神状态适合结识他人、与他人开启一段恋情。虽然这话很俗,但是你要先爱自己,才能爱别人。如果你遇见的人对自己的生活感到很不满,这说明他们还没准备好迎接另一个人进入自己的生活。”

You don't have to be quite so direct about it. You can ask questions like "Are you happy in your job?" or "Do you feel at home in the city you live in?"

你不必太直接。你可以问对方“你对自己的工作满意吗?”或者“你在现在居住的这个城市有归属感吗?”

"You can ask these questions which signal whether that person is in a good place and whether you think they might be ready for a relationship," Stott said.

斯托特说:“通过这些问题,你可以了解这个人是否状态稳定,也可以知道他们是否准备好谈一场恋爱。”

 

3. Do they have any major future plans?

他们未来有什么打算?

Nobody wants to be in the position of falling for someone, then learning the plan to move half way across the world... indefinitely.

谁也不想爱上一个人之后才知道那个人计划搬到世界的另一头去,而且不知道什么时候会回来。

Any major life-changing events, like moving to work abroad, or travelling, will likely impact your relationship. So it's handy to know about someone's plans early on.

任何人生大事,比如出国工作、旅游等都可能影响你们的感情关系。所以早早知道对方的打算比较有利。

 

Insider网站截图

 

4. What is their average Sunday like?

对方一般是怎么过周末的?

The way you spend your Sundays can be quite telling. Some people waste away the hours nursing a hangover, whereas others are more "get up and go" types.

度过周末的方式很能说明问题。有些人在周末长睡不醒,而有些人则喜欢出去玩。

"It sounds quite random but you can really get an idea of the person they are," said Stott, who recommends asking this question early on. "Quite often it's that proactive versus hungover personality."

斯托特说:“这个问题看似很随意,但你却能知道对方是个什么样的人。”她建议早点问这个问题。“通常要么是积极主动型,要么是懒散型。”

 

5. How do they handle stressful situations?

对方如何应对危机情况?

"The way someone deals with things that go wrong in their life can be a real indicator of how compatible you might be with them," Stott said. "And there isn't a right or wrong way they might be."

斯托特说:“从一个人处理危机事件的方式可以看出你和这个人能否和谐相处。而应对危机的方式没有对错之分。”

For instance, some people retreat into themselves and need coaxing out by someone who is more in touch with their feelings. If two emotional hermits start dating, it might not be a totally healthy relationship that blossoms.

比如,有些人会将自己封闭起来,只有亲密的人才能让他们打开心扉。如果刚开始谈恋爱的两个人都是这种“情感隐士”,那么这段恋情可能不会顺利发展下去。

If you go through something stressful, see how the other person reacts. It doesn't have to be anything big, but it can be a good gauge for how much help they will be during the tougher things life throws at you. If they are dismissive or don't seem to care about your troubles, it could be a sign they're afraid of intimacy, or can't communicate very well.

如果你遭遇了一些难事,你可以观察对方的反应。即使不是什么大事,你也可以看出在遭遇更艰难的事情时对方能帮上多少忙。如果他们不理会或不关心你的麻烦,这可能意味着他们害怕亲密,或者无法很好地沟通。

 

6. Do they have the same values as you?

对方的价值观是否和你相似?

People all have their certain deal breakers. For example, some will not tolerate drug use. Others are intent on not having children. Although it's hard to get into the big topics at the start of the relationship, you should find out if they have any values that are the total opposite of your own.

每个人都有自己的一些原则。比如有的人不能容忍吸毒,而有的人决意不要孩子。尽管在恋爱之初一般不会讨论这种重大话题,但你还是应该弄清楚对方是否有和你完全相悖的价值观。

"There's no use screwing yourself over in the long run basically," said Stott. "People don't broach it in the right way, [or] they think maybe I'll change, and they don't. Then it just becomes an issue later. There are some certain deal breakers that should be brought up early."

斯托特说:“从长远来看,欺骗自己是没用的。对方不会在一开始就坦白交代,他们想着有一天自己可能会改变,但他们不会改,拖到后来就成了问题。有一些原则性问题应该早早提出来。”

 

7. What are their friends and family like?

对方的朋友和家人是什么样子的?

People aren't always a mirror image of their friends and family, but in general, you can tell a lot about a person from who they choose to hang out with, and where they came from.

人们不会都和自己的家人朋友一个样,但总体而言,你可以通过对方交往的人和家庭出身了解到很多。

"If you meet someone's friends and you think they're the worst people you've ever met, it might be a bit of a red flag of what you're missing of the person," Stott said. "Is there a side to them I haven't quite seen yet?"

斯托特说:“如果你见了对方的朋友后,认为他们是你所见过的最糟糕的人,这是个危险信号,说明你可能看走了眼。也许对方有不为你所知的另一面?”

The same goes for them meeting your friends. While you're wearing the rose-tinted glasses during the honeymoon period, it can be tempting to dismiss things that would bother you further down the line. Your friends won't be so easily fooled.

让对方见你的朋友也能有所发现。正处于恋爱甜蜜期的你戴着玫瑰色眼镜,很容易忽视对方身上那些以后会让你烦恼的缺点。但你的朋友可没那么好糊弄。

 

英文来源:Insider

翻译&编辑:丹妮

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