为什么有的人招人喜欢，人见人爱？为什么有的人不管走到哪里都可以广交朋友？本集《随身英语》教你如何与人建立融洽的关系及社交礼仪中友谊的“黄金法则”。

课文内容

Vocabulary: social etiquette 词汇: 社交礼仪

Life isn’t fair. Some people just seem blessed with the ability to effortlessly charm anyone they meet. You know the kind of person, the one who can strike up a conversation with a complete stranger and end up with a new friend or business lead. How do they do it?

Well, it might seem like a magical power, but in fact there are a number of factors at work. So, can you learn to develop superhuman charm? The answer is: to a large extent, yes you can.

But first, the bad news. Scientists have found that people initially judge each other based purely on physical appearance. With just a fleeting glimpse of a face, people make snap judgements about each other’s likeability, trustworthiness and confidence, according to Alexander Todorov, professor of psychology at Princeton University.

How to counteract this? There’s one incredibly simple tool: your smile. Todorov told the BBC that people perceive a smiling face as “more trustworthy, warmer and sociable”. It sounds like common sense, doesn’t it? Smile and others will smile with you.

What other tricks might we have up our sleeves? Former FBI agent Jack Schafer has been trained in how to influence people. He told BBC Capital: “Our brains are always surveying the environment for friend or foe signals.” Three things we can do to signal that we are not a threat are to: raise our eyebrows quickly, tilt our heads slightly, and, once again, to smile.

So we’ve looked at body language, but of course what you say is hugely important too, unless you want to just stand there grinning foolishly. Here Schafer recommends that “the golden rule of friendship is if you make people feel good about themselves, they’re going to like you.” In other words, you need to show interest in them, instead of talking about yourself and all your wonderful achievements. And while you’re chatting, remember this: another way of showing interest is to mirror their physical position.

Another way to form a connection? Find common ground. Suzanne de Janasz, a professor of management with Seattle University, says that charming people are particularly adept at seeking out shared interests or experiences to help them build rapport. Simple things like asking where someone’s from really can open up a discussion and allow you to find areas in common. And if all else fails, you can fall back on that most British of topics: the weather. Glorious day, isn’t it?

词汇表

blessed 命好的，幸运的
effortlessly 不费吹灰之力地
strike up a conversation（与人）攀谈
complete stranger 彻头彻尾的陌生人
lead 线索，头绪
superhuman 超乎常人的
to a large extent 在很大程度上
snap judgement 快速、草率的判断
likeability 喜欢程度
trustworthiness 可信度
counteract 对抗
sociable 合群的，好交际的
have something up your sleeve “留一手”，暗藏某物以备不时之需
foe 敌人
tilt（使）倾斜
grin 咧嘴笑
golden rule 黄金法则，重要的原则
mirror 效仿
common ground 共同点
rapport 融洽的关系
fall back on 借助于

测验与练习

1. 阅读课文并回答问题。

1. Why is talking about yourself a bad idea? 

2. Which four things can we do with our bodies to help us connect with others?      

3. Does the author seem surprised that smiling is a good idea?    

4. Which word means ‘stupidly’?  

5. True or false: Our appearance influences what others think of us.

2. 请你在不参考课文的情况下完成下列练习。选择一个意思合适的单词填入句子的空格处 。

1. Don’t worry about Lewis. He has a few ______ sleeve.

tricks for your       tricks in his       tricks up his       tricks up your

2. We have no ______. I’m sorry, we just don’t share any interests at all.

charm       mirror       in common       common ground

3. Mei carried her new fridge all the way home from the shop. She has ______ strength.

superhuman       blessed       common       effortless

4. I’ve always been very ______. I prefer being with other people than on my own.

likeable       confident       trustworthy       sociable 

5. I don’t agree with you. What you say is true ______ extent, but most of it is inaccurate.

to your       to some       to no       to a large

答案

1. 阅读课文并回答问题。

1. Why is talking about yourself a bad idea? 
Jack Schafer believes the best way to make friends is to show interest in other people and make them feel good about themselves, rather than talk about yourself.

2. Which four things can we do with our bodies to help us connect with others?
Smiling, tilting our heads, raising our eyebrows quickly and mirroring the person we’re speaking to can help us build rapport, according to the report.

3. Does the author seem surprised that smiling is a good idea?
The author indicates that smiling seems like “common sense”, in other words something everyone knows naturally, and is therefore not surprised.

4. Which word means ‘stupidly’?
Foolishly.        

5. True or false: Our appearance influences what others think of us.
True. According to Professor Todorov, we make quick judgements about each other based on appearance. But our body language and conversational skills can counteract this.

2. 请你在不参考课文的情况下完成下列练习。选择一个意思合适的单词填入句子的空格处。

1. Don’t worry about Lewis. He has a few tricks up his sleeve.

2. We have no common ground. I’m sorry, we just don’t share any interests at all.

3. Mei carried her new fridge all the way home from the shop. She has superhuman strength.

4. I’ve always been very sociable. I prefer being with other people than on my own.

5. I don’t agree with you. What you say is true to some extent, but most of it is inaccurate.