上网最浪费时间的九大习惯-英语点津

The Internet has changed the way that we all live our lives. It's also invented a whole host of ways to suck all of your time away. Here are some of the best.

There was a time when the only way to pass a rainy afternoon was talking to the people in your house and playing a few hands of Canasta. Then came TV and board games and calling your friends on the phone. Now we all just head to the nearest computer and get sucked into the swirling abyss of the Internet. Everyone wastes their time in a different way, but these are all very common, easy to come by, and deadly to personal productivity.

Gawker网站认为以下9种方式最容易让你在网上不知不觉地消磨时间，事后发现自己一无所获。以下附带有中国特色的解读。

The Wikipedia Hole 上维基百科

上网最浪费时间的九大习惯

Ever go look up something on Wikipedia, something totally innocuous like Elizabeth Taylor, and it kicks off an awful journey that leaves you bleary-eyed and blubbering three hours later? It's so easy.

From Elizabeth Taylor, you click on Cat on a Hot Tin Roof, then on Mississippi, then on 2000 US Census, then on imputation, then on bootstrapping (statistics), and then on sample size and you wonder why it has nothing to do with fashion, so you search "sample size" and still no fashion, so you search Issey Miyake and then you start clicking from there, over and over and over again until you're deep down in the middle of the hole, your mind steeped in trivia that you're going to forget as soon as the laptop clicks shut. Welcome to Wonderland, Alice. It's a hell of a place.

维基百科很多优质条目的完整注解，图文并茂，最重要的是它能将每一个你可能起疑的点链接到新词条，这就让你每次发现句子中不明白的地方，就跳到新的词条去，而使你最终忘记了自己本来上维基百科的目的。

The Spree 看视频

The great thing about YouTube is that it has everything. The awful thing about YouTube is that it has everything. I mean, you go looking for Marisa Tomei's Oscar acceptance speech and somehow you end up clicking on everyone of those "related video" links on the right until you've worked your way to the collected works of the fake Chloe Sevigny.

With YouTube you never intend to spend that much time, but you end up "one more clip"-ing yourself to death. They're only 3 minutes each, but those motherfuckers really add up. And you only realize that once you've watched 10 different divas sing "Ladies Who Lunch."

虽然视频网站上的小视频并不长，但是它们加起来也不短。而且视频旁边的相关视频会引导你的鼠标不断点向新的视频。等你反应过来，半个上午已经过去了。

The Facebook Fugue 上人人网/Facebook

Oh, Facebook, we couldn't do anything without you. But I'm not talking about your normal visits during work hours when you're looking at status updates, checking your messages, and clicking on links from your friends. No, there is a different, darker Facebook that comes out late at night, when you start searching for all of your ex-girlfriends and clicking to see if any of them have changed their last names recently. Maybe you message them, maybe you don't, but then you start looking for that girl you had a crush on in college whose last name you can't remember, but then you think you can find her through mutual friends.

And after that, you start an activity I like to call "scramping," where you look through your hottest friend's friends looking for attractive people to make you feel bad about yourself. This is the dark side of Facebook, and it will attack you and make you feel like a Saturday in a blanket on the couch with scattered tissues lying around your nearly lifeless body.

我们在人人网上偷着菜，看着好友最近更新的日志，在别人光鲜的照片下留言，围观有意思的分享，一个下午就这么过去了。

The Gilted Cage 逛淘宝/Etsy/eBay

Oh, look, there's a sale on Gilt Group. But there's always a sale on Gilt Group. Oh, what about Etsy? There's always something you need there, too. Don't forget that shower curtain with the pink bunnies and deer on it that you saw at the store and wanted to buy but didn't and now it's discontinued and you just have to have it. It has to be out there somewhere! Then there are the countless eBay auctions you're trying to win for toys that you threw out when you were 12 and you sure could use a new case for your iPhone. Shit, buy a new iPhone, because everything on the internet is for sale and everything for sale is on the internet. You just have to know where to find it.

Cruising the web is like having a mall that never ends, where you just walk and walk and walk past Chess Kings and 5-7-9s for hours. It's like the world's largest rummage sale, but most of it is rubbish, but you know there is one great affordable gem tucked away under all the piles of crap and, as long as you remember the security code on the back of your credit card, you're going to find your way there. Oh, yes you are. Yes. You. Are.

逛网店就像在逛一个没有尽头的商场，时间就在你尽情淘宝的过程中悄悄地过去了。另外，国外的网店至今仍然保留拍卖的传统，所以如果你看中一样东西，光是跟踪这样东西的竞价就够你忙一阵子的了。

The Date Machine 在线约会

上网最浪费时间的九大习惯

What is the "date machine?" Well, it's your computer. More specifically, it's all those sites that say they're going to bring you love, dates, or just a roll in the hay. Whether it's eHarmony, Match.com, OKCupid, Manhunt, Ashley Madison, Adult Friend Finder, or (shudder) Craigslist, the date machine is a major time waster. You have to come up with and perfectly hone your profile so it will give off flattering misconceptions about yourself. Then you have to start looking for mates and clicking on pictures and sending emails and responding and IMing.

It's even worse if you're "looking for now" (as the homosexuals say) and are determined not to get off the machine until your getting off is totally determined. You think this is going to buy you freedom from lonely nights in front of the computer, but it only ensures that you'll spend even more time with glow of the screen warming your sad Anistonian face.

虽然你上相亲网站的目的是摆脱孤独，但是结果很可能是你花费了更多的时间一个人在电脑前忙乎，而且你会觉得找到另一半的希望越来越渺茫。

Living a Fantasy Life 沉浸式游戏

While fantasy football might have little to do with the real world, it certainly takes real time to attend to your team. Not only do you have to watch all the games (and in fantasy baseball, this takes even more time), but then you have to trade your players, pay attention to who is on the DL (the disabled list), and how well everyone else in your league is doing.

You have to analyze your stats and plan accordingly, spending large amounts of time on the painstaking details so that you can win a pot of cash and the admiration of your friends. You know if you spent half the time on fantasy football playing actually football you might lose a few pounds. Just a suggestion.

上网偷偷菜，踢踢实况，或者几个人玩玩三国杀，时间总是过得很快。

Self-Diagnosis 网上求医

If you ever have a cough, stomach ache, nausea, fatigue, or any other vague symptom do not, for the love of Christ, try to get on WebMD and figure out what the hell is wrong with you. You are always going to decide that you have either cancer or AIDS. That's what it always boils down to. That rumbling in your gut or the strange sore spot on your elbow is either from cancer or AIDS. That's what your meager medical knowledge will make you think. Either that or some other exotic illness that you don't have because there is no way you have been exposed to Saharan parasites lately.

There is probably nothing wrong with you, and if there is, WebMD is not a real doctor. He can't write you prescriptions or make you better. So put down the computer, pick up your phone, and call an ActualMD and go get a real examination. And if it is cancer, well, we're really sorry.

别以为“把吃出来的病吃回去”这样的话只有中国人才会信。不止国内，国外各种各样的医疗指南更是层出不穷。小编建议：老老实实去问你的医生，否则你会自己吓死自己。

Getting the Message 获取信息

There are message boards for everything like general matters and hackers to chess enthusiasts and anime purists and the seven guys who are still into minimal drum and bass and jungle produced between 1997 and 2001. And it's like everyone there just wants to shoot the shit and ask each other questions and have meaningless debates about superfluous things.

But it's more fun than making small talk with strangers or just shooting the shit around the bar, because everyone gets you, you know? And next thing you know, you're a hundred threads down replying to some guy's response about your comment that you made about a funny cat picture that someone uploaded. Oh, the internet, it introduces you to so many new people just like you—well, at least their avatars and handles. You wouldn't want to spend five minutes with any of those folks in real life. Oh hell no!

简单的说就是门户+微博。每天上上网了解了解时事，参与参与互动，想法似乎不错，只是一不小心就由时事点击到了娱乐……

Reading Blogs 阅读博客

Wow, you really got all the way down here to the end? What the hell are you doing reading this on the weekend. Go see your family or read a book or watch Pirates of the Caribbean 4D or something. There's a whole world out there!

如果你是Google Reader重度用户，你一定明白我在说什么。