Will: No, but it's a fuckin' joke. It works better if I tell it in the first person.
Sean: Yeah, it does.
Will: I have been laid, you know?
Sean: Really? Good for you. Big time. Big time, huh?
Will: I went on a date last week.
Sean: How'd it go?
Will: It was good.
Sean: Goin' out again?
Will: I don't know.
Sean: Why?
Will: Haven't called her.
Sean: Christ, you're an amateur.
Will: I know what I'm doin'. Yeah. Don't worry about me. I know what I'm doin'. Yeah, but this girl was, like, you know, beautiful. She's smart. She's fun. She's different from most of the girls I've been with.
Sean: So call her up, Romeo.
Will: Why, so I can realize she's not that smart. That she's fuckin' boring? You know, I mean, you don't-- This girl's, like, fuckin' perfect right now. I don't wanna ruin that.
Sean: Maybe you're perfect right now. Maybe you don't wanna ruin that. But I think that's a super philosophy, Will. That way, you can go through your entire life without ever having to really know anybody. My wife used to fart when she was nervous. She had all sorts of wonderful idiosyncrasies. You know, she used to fart in her sleep. Just thought I'd share that with you. One night it was so loud, it woke the dog up. She woke up and gone, like, "Was that you?" I said, "Yeah." I didn't have the heart to tell her. Oh, God.
Will: She woke herself up?
Sean: Yeah. Oh, Christ. But, Will, she's been dead two years and that's the shit I remember. It's wonderful stuff, you know? Little things like that. Yeah, but those are the things I miss the most. Those little idiosyncrasies that only I knew about. That's what made her my wife. Boy, and she had the goods on me too. She knew all my little peccadillos. People call these things "imperfections," but they're not. That's the good stuff. And then we get to choose who we let into our weird little worlds. You're not perfect, sport. And let me save you the suspense. This girl you met, she isn't perfect either. But the question is whether or not you're perfect for each other. That's the whole deal. That's what intimacy is all about. Now you can know everything in the world, sport, but the only way you're findin' out that one is by givin' it a shot. You certainly won't learn from an old fucker like me. Even if I did know, I wouldn't tell a pissant like you.
Will: Yeah, why not? You told me every other fuckin' thing. Jesus Christ. Fuckin' talk more than any shrink I ever seen in my life.
Sean: I teach the shit. I didn't say I knew how to do it.
Will: Yeah. You ever think about gettin' remarried?
Sean: My wife's dead.
Will: Hence the word "remarried."
Sean: She's dead.
Will: Yeah, well, I think that's a super philosophy, Sean. I mean, that way, you can actually go through the rest of your life without ever really knowing anybody.
Sean: Time's up.
妙语佳句，活学活用
1. It works better if I tell it in the first person.
In the first person 就是以“以第一人称”，这句话的意思就是“如果我以第一人称讲（这个笑话）的话，效果会好些。”“第二人称”和“第三人称”分别是second person 和 third person。
2. I went on a date last week.
“上周我去约会了。”“去约会”就是go on a date。
3. not have the heart to
这是一个习惯用语，意思是“be unable to bring oneself to say or do something不忍心说或做某事”，比如：He didn't have the heart to tell her the cat had died. 他不忍心告诉她猫已经死了。
4. have the goods on
这个片语也写作get the goods on，意思是“acquire or possess confidential information about someone, especially of a damaging or incriminating kind掌握某人的机密信息，尤其是可造成伤害的” ，比如：Trouble is, they've got the goods on me. 麻烦的是，他们掌握了我的机密信息。
