一“鼠”二鸟

据说可爱的小动物有治愈心灵的作用。在重度拖延症患者的家中，来了一位不速之客——一只误打误撞而被困炉中的小松鼠。谁知，在这位不请自来的客人的“热情帮助”下，杂物堆积如山的卫生死角得以重见天日。是什么治愈了作者的拖延症呢？

One Squirrel, Two Problems

一“鼠”二鸟

By Robert Klose 赵云舒 选 棣棠 注

The TV room at the south end of our house is like a black hole: It’s the place where things tend to wind up if there’s no other place to put them, or if I can’t decide whether to throw them away. As such, it’s a land of perfectly serviceable cardboard boxes (one never knows when one will need a box), old magazines saved for the recipes I will never try, shoes that are just about—but not quite—worn out, a collection of old (and worthless) soda bottles I excavated from the Penobscot River behind my house, a wood stove I rarely light, and other assorted bric-a-brac. The TV itself could actually go, but I turn it on every four years to watch the presidential election returns.

And so my ears perked up the other night when I heard a metallic scratching sound coming from the TV room. I went out to have a look, but of course there was no sound when I got there. But after I had gone to bed it was loud enough to wake me. Once again I inspected , and once again, nothing.

The next morning at breakfast the scratching persisted even as I entered the room, long enough for me to identify the source: the stovepipe leading from the wood stove. Ever so carefully, I approached and opened the stove’s front doors. There it was, a squirrel, looking up at me.

I immediately clamped the stove doors shut and considered my course of action. I was grateful to have the animal contained. Squirrels in the house can do immense damage, gnawing on wall studs , electrical wires, and, of course, making baby squirrels. The racket itself was enough to put one’s teeth on edge.

So what to do?

I didn’t want to kill it, so at least I knew which path wasn’t open to me. And there was really no humane way to get it back up the chimney. I decided I would give it a more appealing escape route.

I closed the door to the kitchen and opened the outside door. It was a windy, 10-degree-F. day in Maine, and the frigid air immediately rushed in. I threw the stove doors open, stepped back, and waited—but not for long. The squirrel leaped out of the stove as if airborne, but it was frantic and didn’t head outside. Instead, it tore through my magazine pile, ran up the curtains, and then, like a bowling ball, mowed down my collection of riverine soda bottles, sending several crashing to the floor. The animal was in a complete panic, and all I could do was stand back and plead with it to leave.

But it wasn’t finished. It bounded through the tower of cardboard boxes and crouched, breathless, behind the collection of old shoes.

It finally dawned on me that I was probably the thing striking fear into that small, palpitating squirrel heart. So I quickly got on the other side of the kitchen door and watched the uninvited guest through the glass. In my absence, it became calm enough to look around and assess the situation. It chewed on a shoelace for a few moments, then raised its nose to the chilly wind coming in from outside. Briskly, but gracefully, it bounded out the door, into the snow, and up the trunk of the first tree it came to.

Job done.

Actually, two jobs were done that day. Not only did I evacuate a squirrel, but the animal did me a tremendous favor: It made the TV room into more of a mess than it was, to the point where I could stand it no longer. I heaved and ho’d until I finally had the clean, uncluttered, inviting space I had intended to have all along. I wish you could see it now.

Vocabulary
1. wind up: 结束。
2. 如此这般，这片地方满是完好可用的纸箱（谁知道什么时候就有人需要用到个纸箱），为了我永远不会尝试的菜谱而留存的旧杂志，将破未破的鞋子，一堆我从屋后诺斯科特河里挖出来的旧（且无用的）苏打水瓶子，一个我极少点火的柴炉，还有其他乱七八糟的小玩意儿。as such: 就这样；serviceable: 可用的；cardboard: 硬纸板；excavate: 发掘，挖掘；assorted: 各种各样的，混杂的；bric-a-brac: 小摆设，小古董。
3. perk up: 警惕起来，精神起来；metallic: 金属的；scratching: 尖锐刮擦声。
4. inspect: 检查，审视。
5. stovepipe: 火炉烟囱。
6. clamp: 用力合上；course of action: 做法，行动步骤。
7. gnaw: 咬；wall stud: 壁柱。
8. racket: 吵闹声，响声；put one’s teeth on edge: （声响）让人不安。
9. humane: 人道的，仁慈的。
10. 10-degree-F.: 10华氏度。世界上有三个国家，美国、缅甸和利比亚使用华氏度来度量温度；Maine: 缅因州（美国东北部州）；frigid: 寒冷的。
11. leap out of: 从……跳出，跃出；airborne: 空降的；frantic: 狂乱的，疯狂的。
12. 然而，它冲过我的杂志堆，跑上了窗帘，然后像个保龄球一样，冲向了我那堆河边捡来的苏打水瓶，把好些瓶子撞到了地上。mow down: 摧毁；riverine: 河边的。
13. in a complete panic : 完全失控，恐慌；plead with: 恳求。
14. bound through: 跳跃穿过；crouch: 蜷伏。
15. dawn on: 渐渐明白；strike fear into：使……感到害怕；palpitating: 发抖的。
16. assess: 判断，评估。
17. chew on: 反复地咬（或啃）；shoelace: 鞋带；chilly: 寒冷的。
18. briskly: 迅速地；trunk: 树干。
19. 我不光解放了一只松鼠，这小动物也帮了我天大的忙：它让电视间比原来更乱更糟，让我实在忍无可忍了。evacuate:（从危险的地方）疏散；tremendous: 极大的，巨大的。
20. heave and ho: 原指水手拉绳索时喊的号子，此处指卖力地干活；uncluttered: 整洁的，整齐的；inviting: 怡人的，诱人的。

（来源：英语学习杂志 编辑：许晶晶）