笑话_休闲英语_中国日报网英语点津

Humor Joke 幽默笑话

中国日报网英语点津为您精选语言地道的英语笑话，开心学英语。

取而代之

2012-07-19 08:55
An attorney telephoned the governor just after midnight, insisting that he talk to him regarding a matter of utmost urgency. An aide eventually agreed to wake up the governor. "So, what is it?" grumbled the governor. "Judge Garber has just died," said the attorney, "and I want to take his place."

微笑缴税

2012-07-18 09:59
A: I hate paying my income tax. B: You should be a good citizen - why don't you pay with a smile? A: I'd like to but they insist on money!

闷屁

2012-07-17 10:13
A man walks into the doctor's office with a serious problem. "Doctor, I've had problems with silent gas emissions. At home, work, and even at church, I release tons of silent farts everywhere I go! ...

美还是丑

2012-07-16 10:02
Mary: John says I'm pretty. Andy says I'm ugly. What do you think, Peter? Peter: I think you're pretty ugly.

雌雄难辨

2012-07-13 09:24
A: Just look at that young person with the short hair and blue jeans. Is it a boy or a girl? B: It's a girl. She's my daughter. A: Oh, I'm sorry, sir. I didn't know that you were her father. B: I'm not. I'm her mother.

螺旋桨的作用

2012-07-10 09:41
A: "What's the purpose of the propeller?" B: "To keep the pilot cool. If you don't think so, just stop it and watch him sweat!"

不捐款的理由

2012-07-09 09:54
A very rich lawyer is approached by the United Way. The man from the United Way is concerned that the lawyer made over $1,000,000.00 last year but didn't donate even a cent to a charity.

上帝住在哪里

2012-07-05 10:28
Teacher: Where does God live? Student: I think he lives in our bathroom. Teacher: Why do you say that? Student: Well, every morning my daddy bangs on the door and says, "God, are you still in there?"

宝贝吞下了子弹

2012-07-04 10:18
Young Mother: "Doctor, my baby swallowd a bullet. What shall I do?" Doctor: "Don't point him at anybody."

为什么女人话多

2012-07-03 10:04
A husband, proving to his wife that women talk more than men, showed her a study which indicated that men use on average only 15000 words a day, whereas women use 30000 words a day. She thought about this for a while...

最懒的人

2012-06-19 09:52
A site foreman had ten very lazy men working for him, so one day he decided to trick them into doing some work for a change. "I've got a really easy job today for the laziest one among you," he announced. "Will the laziest man please put his hand up." Nine hands went up...

买得越多越便宜

2012-06-18 09:57
Deciding to do some back-yard landscaping, my father-in-law went to the brickyard to buy quantity of brick. When he asked the salesclerk about the cost, the man replied. "The more you buy, the cheaper they are."

不是迷信的时候

2012-06-14 10:25
Two robbers were robbing a hotel. The first robber said, "I hear sirens. Jump!" The second one said, "But we're on the 13th floor!" The first one screamed back, "This is no time to be superstitious!"

请你来玩狗

2012-06-12 10:20
A: We have got a new dog. Would you like to come around and play with him? B: Well, I don't know---does he bite? A: That's what I want to find out.

为什么血不流向脚

2012-06-07 10:37
A: When I stand on my head the blood rushes to my head, but when I stand on my feet the blood doesn't rush to my feet. Why is this? B: It's because your feet aren't empty.

分发口香糖

2012-06-05 11:03
Distributing chewing gum to the passengers, the stewardess explained it was to keep their ears from popping. When the plane landed, one of the passengers rushed up to her and said, "I'm meeting my wife right away. How do I get the gum out from my ears?"

我让奶奶高兴了

2012-05-30 10:09
A Sunday-school teacher was telling her pupils the importance of making others glad. "Now, children," she said, "has anyone of you ever made someone else glad?" "Please, teacher," said a small boy, "I've made someone glad yesterday."

神奇的眼镜

2012-05-25 09:20
Patient: Doc, will I be able to read with these glasses? Doc: You sure will. Patient: That's great! I never could read before.

嫉妒

2012-05-24 09:51
Two friends were talking about work, when one asked, "Say, why did the foreman fire you? " Replied the second, "Well, you know how a foreman is always standing around...

闭上眼睛

2012-05-07 09:51
On a crowded bus, one man noticed that another man had his eyes closed. "What's the matter? Are you sick?" "No, I'm okay. It's just that I hate to see an old lady standing."

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