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名师讲解散文《泥土的微笑》英译

[ 2009-05-12 16:47]     字号 [] [] []  
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泥土的微笑

Smile of the Earth

“泥土”一词并不是指“泥”,而是指“土”、“土地”,所以译为the earth。Smile表达的是一种欢乐的情绪,而不仅仅是“笑容、微笑”的意思。

我在花园里种满了芬芳的玫瑰花,远远望去,像一片燃烧的晚霞。我想等朋友来做客的时候,让他们携带些玫瑰回家。我相信朋友捧着火红的玫瑰渐渐走远的背影,一定能点燃易感的情怀。

All over my garden I've planted nothing but roses, fragrant and--If looked at from afar--ablaze with colour like sunset clouds. I would be very happy if any one of my visiting friends should desire to pick and take some for their homes. I trust that any friend of mine carrying the roses would vanish into the distance feeling that his emotion had been rekindled.

译这一句时要注意中文的说话方式:我......玫瑰花,(我或者人们)远远望去,(玫瑰)像一片......,我......让他们......。中文叙事的角度是不停变化的,而且,第一部分“我......玫瑰花”重点是在“种满了”上。译文考虑了这些因素,将“种满了”用all over my garden放到句首加以突出,使这一部分所表达的意思在语气的分量上与原文相当。然后用"I"作为主语,把整句串起来,作为这一段叙述的中心。

“我想”是说我的一种愿望,所以译为I would be very happy if...; should是表示将来的一种可能性;for their homes看似与原文不符,但原文的“带......回家”并不是说带回去就完事了,而是说要用玫瑰花装点居室,带花为的是(for)美化他们的家。

朋友并非特指哪一位,而是任何一位,所以译为any friend of mine。“点燃”此处译为rekindled,而不是kindled,是因为原文含义指人们原先有过的,现已淡忘的“情怀”被重新点燃。

有一天,一位非常要好的女友来探望我,我知道她平素最喜欢花花草草了,临别时我说,采一束玫瑰点缀你的闺房,保证十里飘香。

A close friend came for a visit the other day. I know her to be a lover of flowers and plants, and for that reason I told her at her departure that she should pick a bunch of roses to decorate her boudoir. I promised that the scent of the roses would be wafted far, far away.

“探望我”也可以译为came to visit me,但came for a visit更好,既然是come且visit,被访者当然就是“我”了,这句也体现了英语介词多的特点。

“女友”只译作friend,而在后面某处说girl friend,是因为英语中girl friend也有“恋爱对象”的意思,为避免误会,先不译,而放到后面,译为That girl friend of mine。况且作者是男是女我们并不知道。

“平素最喜欢”英语可以说she loves...,但更合乎习惯的说法是she's a lover of...,另如He's a good driver是说他开车开得好。

for that reason是根据原文的句间含义加上的,把中文的意义关联,改为英文的形式关联。

“十里飘香”:中文用数字往往虚指,此处“十里”便并不表示实际的距离,而是说花香浓郁幽远,所以译为would be wafted, far away。

女友轻轻跨进花园,东闻闻,西嗅嗅,神采飞扬,就是不肯采摘。我说没关系,多的是,我又不是花店的老板,不会靠玫瑰赚钱的。说完我就举起剪刀准备献美。女友急忙拦住,高声叫着不可不可。

That girl friend of mine, tiptoeing into the garden in high spirits, sniffed here and smelt there, but in the end she didn't pick a single rose. I said there were so many of them that she could pick as many as she'd like to; I told her that I was not a florist and didn't make a living out of them. While saying so I raised the scissors for the sacrifice of the flowers, but she vehemently stopped me, crying no, no, no!

“不肯采摘”译成英语时必须有宾语,考虑到语句的连贯,再加上语气方面的缘故,译成了didn't pick a single rose。

这里中文的意思是说:你采吧,采多少都没关系,因为我这里玫瑰花多的是,而且我又不是开花店的,不以此谋生。中文的意义关联十分明显。根据这一分析,英文便把“没关系”隐去了。

make a living out of: 从......中谋得生活来源。

while表示的是同时,vehemently表示的是激烈的态度,句末的感叹号更是表明了阻止剪花的决心,因为英语里感叹号用的很少,表示的感情也较为激烈。

这么美丽的玫瑰剪下来,让人心疼。她抓紧我的袖子叮咛:千万不能剪啊,玫瑰是泥土的微笑,谁忍心杀戮美得醉人的微笑?

To cut such beautiful roses would hurt one, she said. With her hands clutching at my sleeves, she told me that by no means should they be cut. Roses are the smiling face of the earth, and who could be so iron-hearted as to destroy a smile so exhilarating?

让人心疼:hurt one是使某人伤心的意思,也可以说gives one heartache。

这一句的英文分成了两句,因为从意思上来看,“千万不能剪啊”有语气词在末尾,语气较重,单独处理较好。后面的两个“微笑”相互呼应,放到一起比较合适。

我的灵魂悚然一惊,丑陋的泥土,卑微的泥土,朴素的泥土,因为玫瑰,露出了惊艳一笑。因为这一笑,让人爱惜非常。

My mind was thoroughly boggled: the ugly earth, the humble earth, the plain earth--it is only because of the roses that it reveals an amazing and bright smile, and it is for the sake of that smile that it wins the care and pity of men.

“灵魂”实际指的是心灵、良心,所以英文意为mind;

“悚然”是说由于惊觉、害怕而犹疑,正好是英文boggle的意思。

下面三个“......的泥土”并列为“露出了惊艳一笑”的主语,“因为”后面则是“这一笑”作主语,“让人爱惜非常”作谓语。

“惊艳”指这种微笑出现在如此不起眼的泥土里,既使人感到意外,有让人觉得灿烂无比,所以译为amazing and bright。

这里使用了两个强调句,为的也是突出这种反差。译这一个句子时考虑得最多的是中文的松散结构,怎样合理地转换成英文的句子。下面一句里,这种松散的特点可以说发挥到了极致。

一个朋友在拍卖会上有幸购得一个花瓶,花瓶细颈大肚,碎花蓝白调子,流光溢彩。从造型到色彩,整个如唐朝盛世的化身,雍容,华贵,高傲,悠闲,目空一切。朋友请我们大家观赏。奇怪的是每一个参观者都小心谨慎,生怕碰坏这盛唐的宝贝。其实不过是一撮泥土,经过窑烧才千修百炼成瓷中经典。

Of late a friend of mine invited me to appreciate a Tang Dynasty vase that he was fortunate enough to have bought at an auction. The vase, with its slim neck, plump body, and fine little flowers on a blue and white background, has a noble shape and a rich colouring, elegant, refined, proud, poised, and supercilious, an extreme embodiment of the prosperity of the Tang Dynasty. I was filled with wonder to think that while everyone present was taking great care not to cause the slightest damage to the Tang treasure, it was to me nothing but an object made of clay. It had only become a piece of classic art after being baked in a china kiln.

这句的重点是看花瓶,花瓶怎么来的就不那么重要,所以译为从句。句子用了of late开头,使上下文连接通顺,没有这样一个短语,英文前后这两句是衔接不好的。

at an auction:这里用介词at,而不硬套中文用on。

后半句颇费思量。考虑到英文也可用介词引导一连串词组作定语,所以便用with引导三个名词词组,整句其实是把原文的意思融合后译出的,译文中的词或词组并不一定与原文的词或词组一一对应,如noble shape就兼有“雍容、华贵”和“造型”的意思,rich colouring含“色彩”、“流光溢彩”、“华贵”等几重意义。所以这句译时并非词对词,那样很难将原文的所有涵义完全译出。

filled with wonder:心里觉得奇怪,很想知道。

slightest原文中并没有,来自“小心谨慎”和“生怕”所包含的意思,中文“生怕”后面没有说出来的下半截话应该是“(生怕)......一点点”。

the Tang treasure:原文是“盛唐”,但这个意思已在前文译出,所以不再重复。

“其实”没有直接译出,因为这个意思是存在于上下句之间的,而且后面还有only一词,因此没有太大必要用in fact或者actually。

“瓷中经典”也已隐含在the Tang treasure当中,因此就简单地译成了after being baked in a china kiln。

江南的紫砂壶玲珑剔透,泥人张的彩塑令人拍案叫绝,它们不都是泥土的微笑吗?弥足珍贵。即使曾丑陋,即使曾卑微,即使曾朴素,同样让人肃然起敬。

Both the exquisiteness of the boccaro teapots made in south China, and the shockingly beautiful sculptures by Clay Sculptor Zhang of Tianjin--aren't they all smiles of the earth? They are such exquisite treasures that--even if they look ugly, humble, plain, or whatever--they no doubt deserve respect and veneration.

the shockingly beautiful sculptures by Clay Sculptor Zhang of Tianjin:中文可以很简洁地说“泥人张”,英文也可直接译成Clay Sculptor Zhang。

中文可以接着上文说“弥足珍贵”,但英文则必须有主语,且意思上是与后面的句子连在一起的,所以便用such...that这样的结构译出了。

我懂得了,即使再平凡的人,也没有理由被埋没,只要努力活出色彩,一定叫人刮目相看。

Now I understand that no-one, however ordinary, should be condemned to anonymity, and that anyone who adds a dash of colour to life deserves our respect.

中文的语气是“无论是谁,都不应当......”,换成英文的习惯就是用否定代词说no-one...;中文可以用动词的主动形式表示被动,而到了英文里就需要用被动的形式,尽管英文里也有为数不多的几个动词有这样的用法。所以这里用了should be condemned to anonymity。

中文的“刮目相看”是“用新的眼光看待”,此处意译为deserve our respect,因为将它理解为treat sb. with more respect比look at sb. with new eyes更好一些。

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