面对节节高升的房价压力,离婚的“80后”们宁可选择蜗居在一处也不分道扬镳,这类“80后”自嘲为蜗婚族。不管是为了贪图高房价迟迟不肯卖掉房子分道扬镳,还是个人无力承担另买房子的重担……总之,房子已经成了蜗婚族的借口,也成了许多80后无奈的选择。据有关数据统计,目前80后蜗婚族已经占到了一成多,“离婚不离家”正在被越来越多的80后离婚群所接纳。那么,离婚后同住一个屋檐下怎样才能相安无事呢?蜗婚是否会使两人走向复婚呢?来看看国外这几对儿蜗婚族吧。
After years of arguments and tension, Steve and Diana finally decided to separate. Their mortgage situation, however, meant they were stuck with each other until the stale property market revived. So they came up with a peculiar solution – one week Steve would live in their house while Diana slept on a friend's sofa. The next week, they would swap. The plan unravelled when Steve fell out with his friend and ended up sleeping in his car. Angela Lake-Carroll, an independent family law consultant who advised the couple (their names have been changed), says such situations are far from unusual. She has also dealt with couples who divide a house into upstairs and downstairs with a rigid timetable for kitchen and bathroom use.
在维持了多年争吵不断的紧张关系后,史蒂夫和戴安娜(均为化名)终于决定离婚了。但是,他们按揭贷款的状况意味着,在低迷的房地产市场复活之前,他们无法彻底分开。因此,他们想出了一个独特的解决方案——某一周史蒂夫会住在他们的房子里,而戴安娜则睡在朋友的沙发上;下一周,他们再互换角色。当史蒂夫和他的朋友闹翻,最终在他的汽车里安家之后,这对夫妇的问题才得以解决。为他们提供咨询的家庭法律独立顾问安格拉•莱克·卡罗尔说,这种情况远算不上异乎寻常。她还服务过这样一对夫妻:两人分居于楼上、楼下,就厨房和浴室的使用制定了严格的时间表。
Money problems brought on by the economic downturn and a volatile housing market have forced increasing numbers of couples to live separate lives under the same roof. Jonathan Moore, UK and Ireland country manager at Easyroommate.co.uk, a website for individuals wanting to find a flatmate or houseshare, says: "Relationships don't always work out but the recession is preventing even more couples from making a clean break when they split up. Difficulties in selling houses, negative equity and not being able to afford to move out are forcing more people to carry on living with their exes. Unfortunately, those same financial stresses that make the break-up process so difficult are often a key reason for the break-up."
由于经济衰退和住房市场动荡,资金问题已迫使越来越多的夫妇在同一屋檐下过着离婚生活。Easyroommate.co.uk负责英国和爱尔兰业务的经理乔纳森·穆尔说:“夫妻情分并不总能让人藕断丝连,但经济衰退正在阻止更多夫妻在离婚时彻底决绝。房屋难于脱手、负资产以及没有足够经济能力搬出去等,正迫使更多的人继续同自己的前任配偶生活在一起。不幸的是,让离婚过程如此艰难的财务压力,往往正是夫妻离异的主要原因。”Easyroommate网站服务于那些寻找合租和合买房屋伙伴的个人客户。
Jonathan Alpert, a New York-based psychotherapist, has seen many more couples living together "due to financial worries, who ordinarily would have been in a divorce court. They are in a bind of sorts. They can't make mortgage and rent payments solo, yet can't stay married happily. They feel it's easier to deal with the psychological cost than the financial cost."
纽约心理医生乔纳森·阿尔珀特注意到,更多的夫妇“由于经济上的忧虑”而生活在一起,“而通常他们本应出现在离婚法庭上。他们受到各种各样的约束。他们不能独自办理抵押贷款或支付租金,但也不能维持幸福的婚姻。他们觉得心理咨询成本比财务成本更容易应对。”
David Hollingworth, of London and Country Mortgages, says one of the key problems for couples wanting to live apart is the inflexibility of mortgage providers. "Even if you're not in negative equity, your options will be limited if you can't get a good return on selling your home. It used to be that [UK] providers could lend 120 per cent of the value of a property but those products are no longer available." Before the financial crisis, he says, "there were very innovative products" that could help partners to buy out their ex of their shared home but now the focus is on low risk.
London and Country Mortgages公司的大卫·霍林沃思说,对希望分手的夫妻来说,关键问题之一就是抵押贷款提供商的僵化做法。“即使你没有变成负资产,如果你卖掉房子不能取得可观的回报,那你的选择也将是有限的。过去(英国)抵押贷款供应商可以贷出相当于物业价值120%额度的贷款,但如今这些产品都没有了。”在金融危机之前,他说,“市场上有着高度创新的产品”,可以帮助夫妻一方买断前任配偶对共有房屋的产权,但现在,市场最注重的是低风险。
Even when a split is amicable, living apart under the same roof is not straightforward. George Bonham (not his real name), a former banker who lives in Bournemouth, south England, and is working on starting his own business, says there was no acrimony between him and his ex but the housing market created problems. In March 2008 they put their two-bedroom property on the market and decided to continue to live together until they found a buyer. Despite having on average two viewings per week from prospective buyers, they still have not had an offer.
即使在友好分手后,生活在同一屋檐下也并非易事。曾是银行家的乔治·博纳姆(化名)住在英国南部的伯恩茅斯,正设法自行创业。他表示,他与前妻并未发生争吵,但住房市场造成了问题。2008年3月,他们将两人共有的两居室房子在市场上挂牌出售,并决定在找到买主之前仍居住在一起。尽管平均每周有两批潜在买家前来看房,但他们迄今仍未接到购买报价。
The situation has caused difficulties, says 32-year-old Bonham. "Problems snowball and you have to constantly adapt to new situations." Chiefly, new partners. "Three months after we split up, I found a new love interest. My ex and I had to create some ground rules quickly. We established we wouldn't bring partners back as it was too fresh and emotional. We were both reasonable and once that was agreed, we behaved in a respectful way." Nonetheless, his new partner did have concerns about him living with his ex: "My relationship swiftly ended because of my living arrangements," he says.
32岁的博纳姆表示,这种状况带来了难题。“问题像滚雪球一样越积越多,你必须不断适应新的情况。”首先是新配偶的问题。“我们分手3个月后,我找到了一个新恋人。我和前妻不得不很快制定了一些基本规则。我们商定,不要将各自的配偶带回家,因为那实在是太匪夷所思、太刺激对方了。我们都是理性的人,一旦商定,我们就展现出对彼此的尊重。”不过,他的新恋人确实在意他与前妻生活在一起的情况。“因为我的居住状况,我们的恋爱关系很快就结束了,”博纳姆说。