社会新现象：“蜗婚”离婚不分家-英语点津

Even food shopping required renegotiation, he says. "When we were together she used to cook and do the shopping, and continued to after the split. I didn't try to change things – why would I? But when she started seeing someone else, she decided to stop." Despite continued friendship with his ex, he would not suggest others follow his example. "I would advise anyone in my situation to move out of a shared property, rent it out, split the rental income and make your own arrangements."

即使是购买食品也需要重新谈判，他说。“我们离婚前，常常是她做饭和购物，离婚后也是如此。我没有试图改变什么 ——为什么要改变？但是，当她开始考虑其他配偶人选后，她决定不这样了。”尽管与前妻相处友好，但他不建议别人以他为榜样。“我会建议像我这种情况的人搬出共有房屋，将之租出去，然后分割租金收入，自行安排自己的生活。”

But if you see no alternative to living together, Bonham says ground rules are essential. If necessary, remarks Lake-Carroll, it might be worth involving another person – a friend, family member or a professional family mediator. "When people get caught up in a crisis they become paralysed and lose perspective. They can behave in very peculiar ways."

但如果你除了一起生活外没有其它选择，博纳姆说，那定一些基本规则就是必不可少的。莱克·卡罗尔认为，必要情况下，邀请另一个人介入可能值得一试，朋友、家人或专业的家庭调解员皆可。“当人们陷入危机，思维就容易僵化，看问题容易钻牛角尖，行事方式可能非常怪异。”

Alpert has helped many couples in this situation work out how to cope – "how to bring dates home, handle expenses and simply cohabitate, given the stress of the relationship." Nonetheless, he says, there are cases "where trouble looms [in spite of the ground rules] due to resentment, usually when the relationship ended in a way that one person feels is unfair. If a couple agrees not to bring other people home, then that may lead to resentment. Further, if someone doesn't come home at night, it raises suspicion and leads to trouble." Lake-Carroll advises people in this situation to "make space for themselves – go on short breaks or days out with friends."

阿尔珀特曾为很多处于这一境地的夫妻提供应对建议——“如何在家里约会、处理费用问题，或（鉴于男女关系的压力）仅仅同居的问题。”不过，他说，在某些情况下，“（虽然制定了基本规则，）但由于怨恨情绪，问题还是会出现，这通常出现在夫妻关系以某一方感觉不公平的方式结束之时。如果一对夫妇商定不带其他人回家，这就可能导致另一方不满。此外，如果有人晚上不回家，那就会引起另一方的怀疑，从而导致许多问题。”莱克·卡罗尔建议面临此种情况的人“为自己制造一些空间——短暂休息一段时间，或与朋友外出游玩几天。”

Nicholas Rose, a psychotherapist based in London, adds that rules continually need to be revised. "A couple will only become fully aware of how easy or difficult the restructured relationship is once they try." He suggests establishing a trial period and a date for review. One couple he worked with agreed "they would fully review [the situation] once the incentive period of their mortgage came to an end, when they would be free of any financial penalties and theoretically in a position to sell and buy separately." This couple has successfully managed to live together for more than two-and-a-half years.

伦敦心理医生尼古拉斯·罗斯补充说，规则需要不断加以修订。“只有尝试了，夫妇才会充分认识到重组后的相处关系是怎样的难易。”他建议设定一段试行期，并确定一个重新评估日期。他为之工作的一对夫妇就商定：“一旦按揭贷款的激励期结束，他们将全面重估（相关状况）。激励期结束后，他们将不再受制于财务惩罚条款，理论上已经可以分别出售和购买房屋。”这对夫妻已成功地共同生活了两年半以上。

The key, says Lake-Carroll, is that couples need to "work out how to make the atmosphere and situation bearable for themselves and the children. No recession lasts for ever. Eventually, the market adapts and finds innovative solutions."

莱克·卡罗尔表示，关键在于，夫妻需要“设法让家里的气氛可以让自己和子女能够忍受。经济衰退不会永远持续下去。市场最终会适应新的形势并找到创新的解决方案。”

Some couples, she says, have found more suitable properties through house swaps, either through traditional estate agents offering such a service or via dedicated sites such as Homeswapper4sale.co.uk. Home swapping, traditionally a way to find temporary accommodation for holidays (by exchanging properties in different countries), is now being used to help initiate sales by matching the homes of people who want to trade up or down but are unable to sell in a normal chain because of stale market conditions.

她说，一些夫妇通过房屋交换，找到了更合适的房子，既可以通过提供这项服务的传统房产代理，也可通过Homeswapper4sale.co.uk等专门的网站寻找。传统上，房屋交换是一种为假日寻找临时居所的方式（通过交换在不同国家的房子来实现），现在它正被用来帮助那些想换好一点或差一点房子的人来配对，以促进销售。由于市场状况不景气，这些人往往很难通过正常途径卖掉房子。

For those couples who sell their property using the traditional route, the process can still be fraught with tension, according to Phil Tennant, regional sales director for central and south-west London at Hamptons International. "The hardest job is to sell a property when the split is acrimonious – you have to have two conversations, as they never agree. We joke we should get a higher percentage when couples are divorcing because it's twice as much work. We could get 100 viewings, 10 offers and none are acceptable."

对于那些通过传统途径出售房子的夫妇，交易过程可能仍充满紧张气氛，汉普顿国际伦敦中部和西南区销售主管菲尔·特南特说。“如果房主夫妇的离异气氛糟糕，那么出售其共有房屋将是最艰难的一件事，你必须与两个人谈话，因为他们的意见从来都不一致。我们开玩笑说，如果房主夫妇正在离婚，那么我们应该得到较高的佣金比例，因为这样的工作量是平时的两倍。可能会有100个客户看房，10个客户给出报价，最终没有一个报价可以接受。”

This is why Lake-Carroll suggests looking at an ex-partner "as someone you don't get on with at work – most of us don't have the luxury of treating a co-worker in an unreasonable manner, so get on with it."

正因如此，莱克·卡罗尔建议，将前配偶看作“你在工作中与之相处不好的人，很显然，我们大多数人都没有条件以一种不切实际的方式对待一位同事，因此，我们还是效率优先吧。”

If this sounds grim, Alpert offers hope for a romantic ending: "I've had several couples on the brink of divorce and living as roommates rekindle the passion and go on to have a very healthy marriage."

如果觉得这听起来很残酷，阿尔珀特的说法则让人看到了浪漫分手的希望所在：“我有好几对客户夫妻处于离婚边缘，但在室友一样的共同生活中重新燃起了热情，然后过上了非常健康的婚姻生活。”