英语学习杂志 2015-05-05 10:06





Short People Have All the Luck

B y Matt Nawrocki 鹿尤 选注

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I was born a tall man and it’s only gotten worse since then. At 6 feet and 4 inches, I am exactly as tall as you can get before it starts frightening children. While height is a touchy subject and many people would love to be taller, I can assure you the grass isn’t always greener on the other side. Short people are the ones that really have it made . Yeah, sure, being tall isn’t all bad. I always get to stand in the back for group photos, so no one will ever know how often I have mustard on my shirts. People always look up to me, whether they want to or not. I went straight from young enough to ride in a stroller to tall enough to ride a rollercoaster.

And don’t get me wrong, being short sucks sometimes. People make the same annoying “midget” jokes repeatedly. The jokes were obnoxious the first time and hearing them another billion times hasn’t helped. I’d like to personally apologize for everyone that’s made one of those jokes. It just isn’t possible for us tall people to be more creative, we’ve lost too many brain cells banging our heads on low chandeliers.

The thing is, for every shelf out of reach or woman that won’t date guys under 6 feet, there’s an opposite problem faced by tall people. I know it doesn’t seem like it, but there are plenty of situations where a shorter height is a blessing.

Who doesn’t like a nice hug? Tall people, that’s who. We have to either do a weird crouch thing or bend down while towering over the other person. There’s just no easy way to do it. Tall women have this one even worse. They can’t hug without smashing their chest into the person’s face like the least subtle pick-up move ever.

Short people are also better dancers. Long lanky limbs make it almost impossible for tall people to do it well. To make matters worse, they stick out above the crowd on the dance floor, so no one will miss a tall dork that can’t dance. Don’t even think about making a tall person slow dance. That’s like taking an awkward tall hug and stretching it out for an eternity of torture.

Short girls also have the luxury of making the whole world see them at MySpace angles. If you’re not familiar with MySpace angles, they came from a photography trick where girls took selfies with the camera way above their head because it made them look like babes on MySpace. Just imagine a life where everyone sees you like that 24/7 and always thinks you’re a babe. Doesn’t sound so bad to me!

Fashion is another area where shorter people are gifted. Everything old is new again and some people that don’t grow into Jolly Green Giants can still fit in their childhood clothes. Why pay $50 for a trendy vintage Ninja Turtles shirt when you can just wear the same one you had when you were ten?

High fives are the coolest thing ever but tall people can only give them, not receive. If we put our hands up for a high five, we’re just being jerks because the other person can’t reach. Piggyback rides are just as bad. Everybody wants one from the tall guy but the only people that can give me a piggyback ride without my feet dragging are too busy playing in the NBA.

These benefits of being short are only the tip of the iceberg. You rule at limbo, you can still Trick-or-Treat, and you always have legroom. The world is your oyster, short people, so slurp it up.

1. 身高是一个敏感话题,而且很多人都想长得更高一些,但我向你保证,上面的空气并没有比下面的好到哪里去。touchy: 敏感的。
2. have it made: 具备成功的一切有利条件,有成功的把握。
3. mustard: 芥末。
4. stroller: 婴儿车;rollercoaster: 过山车。
5. suck: 〈俚〉令人讨厌,让人不高兴。
6. midget: 矮子。
7. obnoxious: 极粗鲁的,惹人讨厌的。
8. 想让我们大高个多点创意是不可能了,光是头撞在低悬的吊灯上就已经让我们失去了太多的脑细胞。bang: (尤指无意中)猛撞,撞击; chandelier: 吊灯。
9. out of reach: 够不着。
10. blessing: 福气,幸事。
11. weird: 奇怪的;crouch: 蹲伏;tower over: 远远高出。
12. 她们一拥抱就会把胸砸到对方脸上,堪称史上最赤裸裸的勾搭方式。smash: 使猛撞;subtle: 含蓄的;pick-up: 勾搭。
13. lanky: 瘦高难看的;limb: 肢(臂或腿)。
14. 更糟糕的是,他们在舞池中“鹤立鸡群”,所以没人会看不到一个不会跳舞的傻大个。stick out: 突出,显眼;dork: (侮辱性用语)傻瓜,呆子。
15. 这就像是将一个笨拙尴尬的拥抱延续成了漫长永久的痛苦。eternity: 极长一段时间;torture: (精神或肉体上的)折磨,煎熬,痛苦。
16. luxury: 奢侈的享受;MySpace angle: 指自拍时的特定角度。MySpace是一个社交网站,为用户提供一个集交友、个人信息分享、即时通讯等多种功能于一体的互动平台。
17. selfie: 自拍。
18. 24/7: 是一天24小时,一星期7天的缩写,即每时每刻的意思。
19. trendy: 时髦的,流行的;vintage: 最典型的;Ninja Turtles: 忍者神龟,美国系列电影《忍者神龟》中的角色。
20. high five: 相互击掌。
21. jerk: 蠢货。
22. piggyback ride: 背某人。
23. the tip of the iceberg: 冰山一角,指所暴露出来的只是事物的一小部分。
24. limbo: 林波舞(一种西印度群岛舞蹈,舞者需仰身通过低矮的横杆);legroom: (坐下来时的)放脚处,供伸腿的空间。
25. The world is your oyster: “世界是你们的”,源自莎士比亚名著《温莎的风流娘们儿》 中“The world is my oyster”,世界比作牡蛎,是说从中我们可以得到非常有价值的东西;slurp: 出声地吃(或喝)。

(来源:英语学习杂志 编辑:许晶晶)

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