老外在中国：“北京比基尼”真的不酷

北京的夏天闷热得像被一条无尽的湿纱布包裹着。可悲的是，这座有幸拥有地球上最时尚靓丽女性的伟大城市，也是一群呆笨男人的容身之地。这些人认为消暑的最好方法是把裤腿卷至膝盖，把衬衫撩至啤酒肚上方。而现在，这样的人越来越多。

By Murray Greig

Disclaimer: The writer is a socially awkward and emotionally stunted Canadian whose high school graduation class voted him “most likely to be found dead in a cheap hotel room.” Since he is barely capable of dressing himself, any inference of sartorial acumen in the following commentary should be taken under advisement.
免责声明：本文作者是一个不擅社交，情商又低的加拿大人。他曾在高中三年级时被同学票选为“最有可能被发现死在廉价旅社的人”。因为他几乎不会打扮自己，因此，下文中任何涉及着装技巧的言论都请慎重采纳。

As summer's swelter envelops Beijing like an endless strip of sweat-soaked gauze, it's painfully apparent that this great city, blessed with some of the most beautiful and stylish women on the planet, is also home to an expanding legion of dorky men who believe the ideal way to beat the heat is to roll up their trousers to knee level and hike their shirts above their beer bellies.
北京的夏天闷热得像被一条无尽的湿纱布包裹着。可悲的是，这座有幸拥有地球上最时尚靓丽女性的伟大城市，也是一群呆笨男人的容身之地。这些人认为消暑的最好方法是把裤腿卷至膝盖，把衬衫撩至啤酒肚上方。而现在，这样的人越来越多。

Sad, but true.
虽然令人不悦，但这就是事实。

Let's state the obvious: Any man who feels compelled to advertise his love of pijiu by transforming a shirt and pants into the ubiquitous 'Beijing bikini' should be embarrassed. What is the thought process here, guys? Are you simply too cheap to spring for normal hot-weather attire, or are you genuinely convinced that 'slovenly' equates to 'cool'?
说得再明白点：任何一个把衬衫和裤子穿成了现在随处可见的“北京比基尼”的男人，都应该对他这种“示爱”啤酒的行为感到难为情。先生，请问您到底是怎么想的？难道您真的吝啬到连正常的夏装都不买的程度了吗，还是您的确认为“不修边幅”就等于“酷”？

As a fellow fashion-challenged misfit with a decades-long reputation for inappropriate dress, I can see how rolled-up trousers and half a shirt might be a comfortable combination while stumbling home after a night of barroom debauchery – but definitely not on a bustling sidewalk in the middle of the afternoon … and especially not in mixed company.
作为一个有着几十年衣着不当的名声，同样与当下时尚格格不入的人，我能明白在酒吧放纵一夜后摇摇晃晃地回家的时候，裤子和衬衫半卷着的搭配有多么舒服。但这身打扮绝对不应出现在下午时分繁忙的人行道上……尤其不应该出现在有异性的场合中。

That goes double for taxi drivers.
对于出租车司机，更应严加禁止。

On a recent scorching Saturday at Lido Park, a friend and I counted 13 BB-clad guys. Most were flying solo, but the few sorry saps accompanied by female companions were totally oblivious to their lady's unmistakable reticence to engage in close contact. In every instance, the wife or girlfriend was smartly dressed, which only served to spotlight a visual dichotomy almost as wretch-inducing as the emasculated puppy dogs that dutifully tote their woman's purse or the cooing couples who insist on wearing matching outfits.
在最近一个炎热的周六，我和一个朋友在丽都公园共发现了13个穿“北京比基尼”的伙计。这些人大多独自成行，但有少数几位糟糕的傻瓜是与女伴同行。这些人完全不知道他们的女伴很明显不愿与其亲密接触。他们每个人的妻子或女友都穿着时尚，这只会让人感受到强烈的视觉对比。一边的男人就像被去势的小狗一样窝囊，尽职尽责地提着他们女人的包，一边是坚持穿情侣装的如胶似漆的情侣。

Not that I'm without empathy. As holder of China Daily's unofficial title of 'worst dressed foreigner' for four straight years, woeful wardrobe choices have become something of a personal trademark. My favorite color combo is black with camouflage, and I figure a sleeveless T-shirt (preferably adorned with a politically incorrect slogan or image), track pants and a Yankees baseball cap are perfectly acceptable as formal wear. But I have a perfectly plausible excuse: I'm old and beyond hope. And unlike proponents of the 'Bejing bikini,' I have no delusions about my image in the mirror – or in the eyes of passers-by.
并不是说我没有同情心。作为《中国日报》“穿着最糟外国人”非官方称号连续四年的得主，糟糕的着装选择已经成为了我的个人标志。我最喜欢的颜色搭配是黑色加迷彩。我也认为无袖T恤(最好是带有政治不正确的口号或图片)、运动裤和洋基棒球帽在正式场合是完全可以接受的。但我有一个合情合理的理由: 因为我已经老了，也没什么希望了。不像“北京比基尼”的支持者，我对自己在镜子里或者路人眼里的形象没有错误幻想。

So take it from one of your own; it's a simple question of optics. There's a subtle difference between dressing casually and dressing like you're auditioning for a guest shot on Homeless but Happy.
所以，看看你自己身上有没有这样的问题；这其实是一个简单的视觉问题。穿得随意和穿得像是去试镜《快乐的流浪汉》是有微妙差别的。

But hey, don't take my word for it. Just ask all those pretty ladies that are keeping their distance.
但是，别信我的话。还是去问问那些与之保持距离的漂亮女士们吧。

英文来源：“CHINA DAILY”微信公众号
翻译：曲金瑶
编审：丹妮 董静
音频编辑：焦洁

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Murray Greig is a Canadian author and sports journalist who has resided in China for 6 years. He enjoys watching sports and old movies with his two cats, who were rescued off the streets of Beijing.