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The Week December 31, 2009

[ 2009-12-31 17:32]     字号 [] [] []  
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Tiger found slumped on green

Police were called after a report Tiger was seen slumped on a green. Speculation immediately began as to why. Frustration that he had been denied a hole in one? For the first time in a while.

It later emerged it was a stuffed tiger mistaken for an actual tiger mistaken for a down-on-his-luck golfer, though it took four police officers a long time hiding in their patrol car before this was established.

A source close-ish to the story said ‘It was plausible. Tiger is trying to hide far away from the paparazzi. Instead of Monaco or the Maldives, why not Zhejiang province?’

High-speed sleighs

Reports China doesn’t celebrate Christmas are belied by new high-speed trains unveiled this week. Rudolph is said to be envious of each engine’s red nose.

‘I got the bends for Christmas’ – Santa 2059

Island nations, which fear being engulfed by sea water, have re-released a warning photo of how Santa and Rudolph will do deliveries 50- years from now, unless global warming is stopped.

Rudolph may become a passionate campaigner on environmental issues, and be known as the green-nosed reindeer.

‘Look, Mum, No Hands’

Two men in their 50s are taking their mother by tricycle on holiday to Taiwan, as she gets carsick. They’ve now been on their trike for 100 days. The journey is reportedly taking longer as one man – the 56-year-old - hasn’t yet got rid of his stabilizers.

Officer Right

98 per cent of women in Macao want to marry a People’s Liberation Army soldier. We’ve heard rumours it’s not just because they are handsome; also as they are good candidates to be hen-pecked. ‘They’re used to following orders’ whispered one would-be-bride.

Is it an Iron?

Still on the forums, it turns out the most popular party game amongst expats this Christmas was Mandarin charades, a version of the parlour game in which players act out a popular expression and others guess their mime. Mandarin charades has three categories. ‘Is it a book, is it a film, is it a household appliance?’ You can play it all year. Even if you don’t want to.

Hello, is that Hang Over?

And finally, a quirky exclusive. The Week has learnt a Chinese man called Hang Over is bracing himself for millions of calls in the few days after New Year. Drunk people tend to call up him and sing the Sonny and Cher hit ‘I got you, Babe.’

(中国日报网英语点津 Helen 编辑)

The Week December 31, 2009

About the broadcaster:

The Week December 31, 2009

Linda Kennedy is a presenter and writer. She has reported and commented extensively on BBC TV, and was a correspondent for "News at Ten" on ITV. She also wrote a column for The Scotsman newspaper.