Looking like Jessica Alba

A 21-year-old Shanghai woman wants to look like movie actress Jessica Alba. She told Reuters her boyfriend loved the star of movies like Fantastic Four. He once bought his girlfriend a blonde wig so she would look more like Jessica. So the woman is in Shanghai to have plastic surgery to look like Jessica. First, someone should tell her boyfriend that Jessica is not a blonde. Second, she should tell her boyfriend that he should get plastic surgery first so that he would more look like Jessica’s real life husband, Cash Warren.

Being Han-Chinese

It’s easy to say you’re Han-Chinese. But it’s impossible to prove it. People.com.cn reports that there’s no DNA test that can prove you are pure-blood Han Chinese. You can’t trace it by DNA tests. Scientists say blame that on integration and mass migrations. can you prove it or not prove it, I guess anyone can say they’re Han Chinese, including the real Jessica Alba.

Happy Valentine’s. Here’s your donut!?

Few people would have plastic surgery to impress their girlfriends. But people will buy flowers, candy and expensive restaurant dinners for Valentine’s Day. In fact, one Valentine’s restaurant is offering a special dinner for 999 yuan per couple. A recent China Daily report offered cheaper suggestions. One suggestion was that, instead of a ring, a boy bought his girlfriend a donut. But seriously? “Do nut” try this at home!

How much for a robbery suspect?

The sign outside one local government office in Hunan province reads: “It’s New Year. We’re purchasing burglar suspects for 3,000 yuan each.” Another sign reads we are buying robbery suspects for 2,000 yuan. Some netizens complain about that, thinking this campaign was ridiculous. One netizen said they are treating suspects “like goods, not human beings”. But one official said the signs are not meant to be jokes. It’s meant to get people’s attention. It got our attention.

Shame on Celebrities!

Shame on celebrities! A new report from the China General Chamber of Commerce says too many famous celebrities are going on TV selling fake medicines and products. One celebrity endorsed a medicated wine. Shame on them! I am not a celebrity. I am a fake celebrity. And I want to tell you about a new fake product, it’s called Confucius Wine. Drink it, it will make you wiser. Drink it, and you’ll star in a movie with your name on it. Honest! Really!

Happy New Year!

It’s that time of the year when people are crowding into trains to try to get home for the New Year. Those celebrities should advertise something more practical for the New Year … How about Happy New Year boxing gloves to help you fight your way into that hard seat train car? And how about a fireproof umbrella to keep those fireworks from raining down on your head?

For The Week! Happy New Year!

（中国日报网英语点津 Helen 编辑）

About the broadcaster:

Renee Haines is an editor and broadcaster at China Daily. Renee has more than 15 years of experience as a newspaper editor, radio station anchor and news director, news-wire service reporter and bureau chief, magazine writer, book editor and website consultant. She came to China from the United States.