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婚姻医生、情感护士助力解决婚姻亚健康
Love stories can end in divorce

[ 2013-03-27 13:39] 来源:中国日报网     字号 [] [] []  
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China's divorce rate has risen sharply in recent years, sounding alarm bells across a nation that attaches great importance to family harmony. Experts have warned that more measures are needed to save increasingly fragile families. If they fail, the consequences could be disastrous.

Thirteen million couples were married in 2011, an increase of 4.9 percent from 2010, according to the Ministry of Civil Affairs. However, the year also saw 2.87 million marriages end in divorce, a rise of 7.3 percent from 2010 and equal to more than 5,000 couples divorcing every day.

The reasons can seem trivial and sometimes even comical. Shu is working on a case in which a husband has filed for divorce because he and his wife are unable to agree on which set of parents they will stay with during Spring Festival next year. The husband insisted on the divorce after his wife muttered some vague, angry words about his parents.

Another seemingly trivial case Shu recalled was that of a businessman who wanted to divorce his wife after she inadvertently broke wind and embarrassed him in front of important business partners during a very formal meeting.

"Many cases have been reported where the couple divorced within a year of marriage. In the most extreme cases, couples have registered and divorced on the same day. People are too hasty in getting married and lack a sense of responsibility to both family and society," said Wu Changzhen, a professor who specializes in civil, marital and family law at China University of Political Science and Law.

"No nationwide data is available on cases where divorce has resulted in criminal activity, for example when a spurned spouse has arranged for his or her former partner to be beaten or worse. But our research during recent years indicates that the high divorce rate is actually proportionate to a rise in criminal cases. Most murders are the result of extramarital affairs. It's of the utmost importance that we take the necessary measures to intervene and save failing marriages," she said.

Chen Yiyun, a marriage researcher at the Chinese Academy of Social Sciences, said: "Many people will laugh when they hear some of the reasons for divorce, but for me it's not funny at all. Society will disintegrate if the family dissolves, and this is a fundamental cause of many social problems. It not only affects the lives, work and families of those who divorce, it also affects their children's upbringing.

"The rate of juvenile crime committed by children from single-parent families is three times higher than that of children from integrated families. The rising numbers of extramarital affairs and domestic violence also increasingly threaten social stability and greatly raise the cost of law enforcement."

'Marital medics'

"Running a marriage is just like running a business. Couples need to communicate and a 'cold war' is never recommended as a way of solving marital problems. On the contrary, the longer a failing marriage keeps limping along, the greater the likelihood of an irrevocable breakdown," said Chen.

"If a person is in poor health, they need to see a doctor, otherwise long-term neglect could eventually lead to a fatal disease. Failing marriages are very similar. When problems arise, the couple needs to see a 'doctor' to diagnose the problem and regain their marital health," she said.

中国的离婚率近几年持续增长,已经给我们这个自古就崇尚家庭和谐家和万事兴的国度敲响了警钟。婚姻问题和婚姻法等方面的专家认为如果不尽早对婚姻问题进行调节和干预,由此引发的一系列社会问题将对非常严重,成为导致社会不稳定的主要因素之一。

根据民政部门统计,2011年依法办理离婚手续的有287.4万对,增长7.3%,粗离婚率为2.13‰,比上年增加0.13个千分点。相当于我国每天有5000多个家庭解体。

而除了婚外恋这个主要的婚姻杀手之外,离婚的原因也是多种多样,很多是因为家庭琐事或是意气用事。舒心最近处理的一个案子就是小夫妻因为过年去谁家要离婚。

“现在结婚一年内就离婚的人数也在增长。甚至有极端的例子当天结当天离。人们对待婚姻的态度变得越来越盲目,十分不可取,这间接也体现出人们对于婚姻中自己和双方家庭责任的缺乏。”中国政法大学教授,中国法学会婚姻家庭研究会名誉会长巫昌祯教授介绍到。

她说虽然目前她手中没有权威的统计数据,但是从她的研究中发现离婚率的上升与刑事案件的上升是成正比的,很多杀人和伤害案件起因都是婚外情。巫教授认为进行婚姻指导、干预、提高婚姻质量已经迫在眉睫,必须予以重视。

“很多人面对五花八门的离婚原因一笑置之,但是对于我们来说这其实是很严重的社会问题需要解决。家庭是社会构成最小的单位,如果这个最小的单位瓦解、不稳定,且数量增多,不仅仅是当事人自己和双方家庭,孩子,还会直接导致很多社会问题,而这并不是危言耸听。”中国社科院研究员、中国婚姻家庭研究会专家委员会副主任陈一筠教授说。

陈教授说,这些问题如果任由其发展而得不到及时有效、妥善正确的处理解决,其后果不仅会严重影响个体的生活质量、阻碍事业成功、导致婚姻家庭的失衡,也将是造成国家经济发展滞后、社会秩序混乱的潜在危机隐患。

陈教授认为夫妻离异对当事者各方都造成不良影响,其中最大的代价是由孩子承担的。生活在单亲家庭的孩子往往表现出各种心理与行为问题。孩子的健康成长和学业会受到父母离异的严重影响。有数据表明,在有心理疾患的孩子中,60%以上来自不和谐或解体的家庭;单亲家庭的青少年发生违法犯罪的几率是双亲家庭中同龄人的3倍。除此之外,由此带来的社会问题也间接增加了社会的执法成本。

舒心说,其实婚姻就像人的一生一样,也会生病,生病了就要看医生,而且越早越好。不然病态越久最后的结果就是死亡。所以当婚姻发生问题的时候,也要找“婚姻医生”找出问题所在对症下药才会保持婚姻的健康。

 

 

 

 
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