当个伴娘居然有这么多鬼要求？！新娘制定无厘头伴娘守则

话说，在闺蜜的婚礼上，做她的伴娘，很多女孩应该都憧憬过这样的场景吧？国外一位妹子也是这么想的，然而，新娘提出的五花八门的要求，却让她彻！底！傻！眼！故事，是这样的。

近日，美国著名八卦网站Gawker发布了一封特别的电子邮件——与其说这是一封邮件，倒不如把它当成一则笑话。发件人是一位新娘，在婚礼前，她为她的伴娘们制定了十项守则。邮件全文如下：

“Welcome to my bridal party. I thought today would be a great day to start this chain, as it is officially six months until my wedding day.
“欢迎加入我的伴娘团！婚礼还有6个月就要开始了，今天给大家说说伴娘的几条基本守则吧！

1. Weigh-ins will begin in 3 weeks. I for one would really like some time after Thanksgiving to make my body forget about what it consumed, so I thought I would give you guys some cushion room.
3周后我们开始称体重哈。我感恩节后长胖了不少，估计瘦身需要时间，所以也给大家留了个缓冲期。

2. No-one can be skinnier than the bride. That means Kelly and Lizzie will be on a protein weight gainer diet exclusively until May. I will have the nutritionist call you to discuss diet plans.
不许比新娘瘦。所以，五月份前Kelly和Lizzie你俩该多吃点了，我会让营养师给你们打电话讨论饮食计划哦。

3. Bed times leading up to the wedding will be strictly enforced. I absolutely cannot have you all have saggy, baggy eyes. I am sure you all understand.
婚礼前，大家都必须规律作息时间。我可不想看着你们顶着黑眼圈和眼袋出现在我的婚礼上，大家都理解吧？

4. Swimwear attire: I would like everyone to wear matching bikinis that have rhinestones on the tushie spelling out “maids".
关于泳衣，我给大家准备了比基尼哦，屁股上会用人造钻石拼出“maids”（伴娘）。

5. All bikinis leading up to the wedding must be strapless bandeaus. I cannot have terrible tan lines in strapless dresses.
希望大家在婚礼前都穿没有肩带的比基尼，要知道穿抹胸裙时露出内衣肩带的晒痕很难看。

6. Sunscreen: We need to make sure you ladies look lovely and radiant and not red and reptile like. Pack accordingly.
都记得带上防晒霜啊，希望大家到时候都光彩照人，不要被晒得红扑扑的。

7. Speeches: If you plan to make a toast, please submit it for approval and revision, no later than 4 weeks prior to the wedding.
如果有人计划在婚礼上给我祝福，记得提前把祝酒词给我审核修改一下，记住，一定要在距离婚礼4周之前提出哦。

8. Haircuts: If you plan on chopping off your locks, please submit your proposed new look prior to any actions (this applies to coloring as well).
发型。如果有人想剪头发，一定要提前报备，经过我允许才能剪。染发也一样哈。

9. Attendance: is strongly requested at all events but I will make some exceptions on a case by case basis.
出席。我当然希望婚礼上每一个环节大家都在，不过，经过我允许的特殊情况可以除外。

10. Ink: Consider this a moratorium on future tattoos until June 5th. Those of you with visible artwork will be privately contacted with (temporary) removal instructions.
还有纹身，婚礼（6月5日）之前大家都不要再纹身了。已经有纹身的我会挨个联系你们，商量怎么暂时把它遮一下。

Thank you for your time and consideration. Should everyone abide by these minor requests, I am sure we will all have a memorable weekend.
谢谢大家的关心和支持。只要大家都遵守这些小小的规定，我敢保证我们一定会度过一个难忘的婚礼。

Just kidding bitches, well, sorta. love you all,
哈哈，人家开玩笑啦，爱你们噢。

[The Bride]"
你们的新娘子”

*****************

看到这些“规定”，大家也都会心一笑，真是个幽默可爱的新娘子啊。

然而，新娘接下来的一封邮件却让她们意识到，纳尼？你居然是认真的？？

Girls,
嗨，姑娘们，

It has been brought to my attention that one of my Maids is in violation of Rule 8 of the Bridal Party Contract. Rule 8 clearly stipulates that "If you plan on chopping off your locks, please submit your proposed new look prior to any actions (this applies to coloring as well)."
我发现伴娘中有人违反了第8条守则，“没经过我允许，不能擅自剪发染发。”

While I am sure this was a minor oversight by my bad little bee, I would like to remind everyone of the ramifications of violating any of the aforementioned rules. Failure to adhere to my commandments, can result in Bridal party banishment!
我知道你们可能不小心疏忽了，所以再次提醒大家，不遵守伴娘守则的人会被驱逐出我的伴娘团哦。

I would appreciate a call from the hair-color-changing culprit immediately, with a proposed remedy by the end of the day.
那位染了头发的姑娘请立即主动给我打电话，在今天之内提出解决办法。

Respectfully yours.
爱你们。

The Queen Bee
新娘

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伴娘们还没回过神来，新娘子的第三封邮件来了：

Hello my faithful bees,
亲爱的伴娘们：

Chloe has colored her hair. She has repented her sins to the QB and she has been forgiven for her minor lapse in forgetting the protocol.
Chloe没经过我允许擅自染发，她很内疚，我原谅她了。

Kudos to Chelsea for asking permission to cut her hair, unfortunately, her request is DENIED.
Chelsea提出请求，想剪头发，她值得表扬哦，虽然我拒绝了她的请求。

Onto to my next point. We will begin weekly weigh-ins on January 17th. I will be sending over the form for everyone to fill out and submit with a picture of the scale shortly.
马上我们就要开始称体重啦，我会给大家发一个表格，希望大家填写好，并拍下体重秤的照片一起发过来。

xoxo,
么么哒。

The Queen Bee
新娘

******************

就在大家怒火中烧的时候，新娘的邮件再次姗姗到来：

Good afternoon all of my faithful bees. It brings me great sadness to write this e-mail but it was brought to my attention that one of my chosen-bees has defected. She is in violation of Rule 8, despite asking permission and having her request denied! The punishment is obviously bridal party banishment. However, after careful consideration, I have decided to re-instate her status on a provision basis. As long as her bangs grow out by [date two weeks before the wedding], she will be allowed to participate in our festivities. She has reassured me that she will be using horse shampoo for rapid hair growth until that point.
下午好，姑娘们，我很遗憾你们当中有人再次违反了伴娘守则第8条。Chelsea向我提出剪头发的申请，被我拒绝后她自作主张去剪了刘海。本来我应该将她逐出伴娘队伍，但经过考虑后，我决定将她“留职查看”。只要她在婚礼前两周将刘海蓄长，就可以再次加入我们。她已经向我保证，在婚礼前会坚持使用马油洗发水，促进头发生长。

Additionally, if anyone does decide to break any future rules, please do not try to justify your behavior by telling me what other maids are doing in other weddings. I do not care and I am the QB.
有伴娘跟我抱怨，说别人婚礼上的伴娘可没这么多要求。我的婚礼我做主，才不管她们是怎么做的。

xoxo
么么。

******************

在新娘的邮件轰炸下，大家已经无力吐槽了。这是另一封：

Hello My Beautiful Bees,
美丽的伴娘们，

All of you should be receiving your dresses in the mail shortly, I know some of you already have. If you could please send me a picture of yourself in the dress, I would greatly appreciate it. I am assuming the dress is going to mandate spanx b/c the material is unforgiving, so I am curious to see how it will look.
很快大家就要收到伴娘礼服了（我知道有些人已经收到了），料子是没弹性的，所以收到后拍一张你们穿上的样子发给我。

I hope everyone is on a water and rice cake diet from this point forward. I would also appreciate it if everyone incorporated arm workouts into their daily routine... Remember no pashminas, just long and slender arms!!!
希望大家从今天开始清淡饮食。另外，希望大家加强对胳膊的锻炼。婚礼上不能有披肩，只能有修长的胳膊哦~

xoxox
么么哒。

据吐槽的妹子介绍，婚礼的效果嘛，确实很美很有气氛，可是……

And that one bridesmaid was later asked to "wear a pashmina to cover her 'fat arms.'"
另一位胳膊比较粗的伴娘，在婚礼现场被要求穿上披肩把胳膊遮一遮……

网友评论节选：

叫我爹地啦：这是你闺蜜还是你的奴隶？

无视君：实力演绎天下皆她妈

姜亦琛：exm？？？？自己多完美？？？敢这么要求别人？？

草莓超甜的呦：谁爱当谁当 老娘不当 神经病！

NO_弟弟：一开始那一封也并没有幽默可爱

水地梨：这…以为她是教官呐

一个在野设计师的日常：婚礼后新娘子成了个连载小说作家

英文来源：外媒综合
中文来源：英国那些事儿
编辑：丹妮