10. Persuasive proclamations about God. “I feel blessed to be alive on this glorious day, and I owe it all to God. Make God your only Savior and you will never be sad.”

对神的感人告白：“能活得这么好都是有您的庇佑，我的一切都归于上帝。若将上帝作为你唯一救星，永远不会悲伤。”

Analysis: Religious people need to spend more time in church and less time on Facebook.

分析：如果你信宗教就多花点时间去教堂，花少点时间在Facebook上。

11. Updates about how much they drink and how excited they are to be drinking: "LOL...it’s only 8:30 and look at us!! We’re already drunk!! LOL!"

喝了多少酒，喝了酒以后多么兴奋：“LOL……才8：30看看咱爷们！！爷们儿已经醉啦！！LOL!”

Analysis: “I’m having fun. I swear. I'm not an alcoholic. I just don't know any other way of self-proclaiming my sense of being cool.”

分析：“我挺开心，真的。我不是酒鬼，只是我不知道还有什么别的方法表达我现在超爽的感觉了。”

12. Updates of mundane activities written as though they are jokes: “I had to stop and get gas and then wait an hour for a prescription. Then I lost my keys and couldn’t get back in my car. Hahaha.”

憋个段子写些稀松平常的事情：“停车加油，又等了一个小时拿到处方。结果发现我把车钥匙丢了，现在车也进不去。哈哈哈。”

Analysis: “It’s funny, right? Please say it’s funny.”

分析：“好笑嘛，嗯？请你告诉我哪好笑。”

13. Updates written as though the page-bearer never had an English class, not even in elementary school. “OK I went to the OMG the swag thing u know I ran into that girl my friends cousin and she LOL had a gold ring in her nose and she says hey u biggie I swear I almost loosed it right their hahahaha but she knew I had to go to”

好像从没上过语言课，小学都没上过的那种：“OK，我们去了，OMG，看那个晃来晃去的东西，跑过去那姑凉我朋友表弟，LOL，她鼻子上长了个房环，还说嘿大家伙你好啊，我发誓我快用光了，现在他们的，哈哈哈哈哈，不过她很酷就是了，我得走了。”

Analysis: They failed English but finally found a way to express incomprehensible thoughts.

分析：这些人语言不过关，不过也算找到一种表达他们猜不透的想法的方法。

14. Quoted clichés from various thinkers: “It’s better to have loved and lost than never to have loved at all.” –Unknown.

引用各种哲人的话：“爱过又失去总比从未爱过要好。”——未知哲人

Analysis: "I can’t think of anything amazing to say while I comfort myself, and I can’t find my iPod to quote some Lady Gaga."

分析：“我想安慰自己，但我又说不出很牛逼的话，我手头没有iPod，Lady Gaga说过的名言我也没法引用。”