给15A座乘客的一封信

Want to get even with an annoying fellow airline passenger? Forget Twitter. After all, 140 characters won’t get you very far when you have a lot to complain about. Do like 24-year-old Munyee Lau did after a recent nightmarish eight-hour AirAsia flight from Singapore to Sydney. Write a 550-word manifesto to the passenger in seat 15A who made you crazy all night long.
想要报复飞机上令你抓狂的同行乘客？用Twitter？算了吧。在你有很多抱怨时，140字并不能满足你。 像24岁的刘敏仪（音译Munyee Lau）那样做吧！她经历亚航从新加坡到悉尼八个小时噩梦般的飞行后，写了封550字的公开信给坐在15A座的乘客，该名乘客让她整夜崩溃。

The Malaysia-based writer posted her scathing — and hilarious — missive on the Singapore humor site SGAG. It has gone viral.
这名马来西亚姑娘将她的长信发布在新加坡幽默网站SGAG上，信件内容立刻遭疯转。

Here’s the full text of Lau’s letter:
下面是信的全文：

Dear passenger 15A,
亲爱的15A座乘客，

You do not know me but I was seated in front of you during the flight from Singapore to Sydney on April 12th.
您不认识我，我是在4月12号从新加坡飞向悉尼的航班上坐在您前面的乘客。

What I had initially thought to be a routine flight turned out to be a once in a lifetime experience – and it was all because of you.
起初我觉得这只是一次普通的飞行，但因为您，这成了我终身难忘的经历。

I am writing this letter to thank you personally.
写这信的目的就是为了表达对您的感谢。

Being the cheapskate that I am, I did not pay extra for a seat next to the emergency exit.
我承认我小气，我没有额外加钱坐上紧急出口旁边的座位。

Though it offered more legroom, I couldn’t be bothered to read the special safety procedures. The last thing I would want is to compromise the lives of all the innocent passengers because I do not know how to open the airplane door.
即使那个位置的空间更大，但我也没耐心去读特殊情况安全守则。而且我不能置全舱人性命于不顾，因为我确实不知道怎样打开机门。

Despite my common economy seat, you offered me a full back massage by repeatedly kicking the back of chair. To date, I have yet to regain full mobility of the lower half of my body. But since I am single, I suppose I don’t have much use for it anyway.
我坐的是经济舱却享受了全套背部按摩，因为您一直不断在踢我的椅背。到现在我下肢部分还不能恢复正常活动。但反正我单身，也不怎么需要用到下半身。

I did not pay for the in-flight entertainment package and I was worried that I might get bored. But my concerns were unnecessary. You were talking so loudly, as if your friend was seated in the cargo hold rather than right next to you.
我也没有购买航班娱乐大礼包，起初我还担心会无聊，但是这种担心很多余。您讲话如此大声，你的朋友是坐在货仓而你旁边吧？

Perhaps she’s hard of hearing? This might strike you as odd but for the first time in my life, I wished I had a hearing impairment too.
或者，她有点听力障碍？你可能有点吃惊，但这真的是我平生第一次希望自己也有听力障碍。

Also, could you tell me where you bought those obnoxious snacks? I assume that they must have been delicious cause you rip one open every 30 minutes.
还有，您能告诉我你从哪带来这些讨厌的零食吗？它们肯定很好吃，因为你每30分钟就会撕开一包。

Thanks for the loud rustling and chewing ambient sounds!
我听得到包装袋撕开的声音和咀嚼环绕音！

At this point, I thought, ‘It can’t get any better than this.’ But immediately, my nose was assaulted by a putrid smell of death and decay.
那时，我觉得自己真是受够了。但是不久后，我的鼻子又被一股如同死尸腐烂的味道“强奸”了。

The stench was so strong that I turned to check if the old lady seated next to me was still breathing.
臭味如此之强烈我忍不住检查了下坐我旁边的年老的女士是否还有呼吸。

It was so nice of you to take off your shoes and put your feet between my seat and the plane window. It must have taken considerable effort – it was a small space but you stuck it as close to my face as you possibly could.
您能把脱掉鞋并把脚放在我座位和飞机玻璃之间真是太厉害了，您肯定费了不少劲吧——这地方那么小，您还能把脚伸在离我脸最近的地方。

Did you know that you have made me a more religious person?
您知道吗，是您让我成为一个更虔诚的人。

I have said more prayers in that eight-hour flight than I have in my entire life.
在这八小时我的祷告比我一生的还要多。

Thank you once again.
再次感谢您

Insincerely yours,
您亲爱的

Passenger 14A
14A乘客

Vocabulary

manifesto 公开信
cheapskate 小气鬼
compromise 危害
hearing impairment 听力障碍

（英文来源：雅虎新闻 译者：侯霄SCNU 编辑：彭娜）