儿子要成长，妈妈应放手

A top parenting expert has warned mothers that being too possessive of their sons and not letting men be strong father figures can be detrimental to their boys' upbringing.
一位高级育儿专家提醒各位母亲，对儿子的占有欲过强，父亲高大的形象难以树立，会对男孩成长造成不利影响。

The frank advice comes from parenting expert Noël Janis-Norton in her new book Calmer, Easier, Happier Boys.
这一直白的建议来自育儿专家诺埃尔•詹尼斯•诺顿的新书《更冷静，更简单，更快乐的男孩》（Calmer, Easier, Happier Boys）。

According to the parenting and behavioural specialist and former teacher, fathers have much greater influence than mothers in shaping boys into well-adjusted young men - but too often mothers find it hard to back off and let dad take control.
据这位育儿行为专家所言，相较母亲这个角色而言，父亲在儿子成长为有教养的年轻人这段期间，对孩子有着更大的影响。但是更多的情况下，母亲很难放手，让其丈夫担任此责。

'Without a strong father-figure, (which could also be a step-father or grandfather), boys may struggle to learn how to express their emotions constructively, how to handle their physical strength and learn to respect others - and themselves,' Janis-Norton tells the MailOnline.
‘没有一个强壮的父亲形象，（也可以是继父或者祖父、外公），男孩可能很难学会如何有效地表达他们自己的情感，如何去控制他们的身体力量以及学习尊重他人和自己，’诺顿告诉《每日邮报》。

‘Mothers need to allow dads to be dads and to have their own relationship with their children - and in particular with their boys - without trying to micromanage,' she says.
“妈妈要让爸爸有机会成为一个好爸爸，让爸爸和他的孩子，特别是和儿子建立自己的一种关系，尽量避免管得太细。”她说。

The parenting expert, who has been credited by the likes of Helena Bonham-Carter turning her family life around, also warns mothers about being barking too many orders.
这位育儿专家还呼吁各位妈妈们不要管太多。这位育儿专家曾得到像海伦娜•伯翰•卡特这样的名人认可，她说她的家庭生活彻底得到了改变。

'A boy will lose respect for the mother who appears to bossing the father around – or criticising him,' she says.
‘如果妈妈总是对爸爸呼来喝去的，又或是经常责骂爸爸，男孩就会失去对妈妈的尊重。’她说。

So when Dad gets little Tommy dressed in the wrong clothes, feeds him the wrong breakfast and then starts a pillow fight should Mum just look on through gritted teeth?
所以当爸爸给小汤米穿错衣服，做坏早餐然后开始枕头大战的时候，难道妈妈还是要咬牙切齿一言不发吗？

'Yes - absolutely she should!' says Janis-Norton. 'And the gritted teeth part comes because mums assume they know best - but actually none of us is perfect. We’ve got weaknesses too.
“是的，她当然要这样！”诺顿说。妈妈会对上述行为咬牙切齿是因为她们觉得自己知道怎么做是最好的，但是实际上人无完人。我们每个人都有缺点。

'We’re not doing it right all the time. So really we shouldn’t be judging the dads!'
“人总会犯错。所以我们真的不要质疑爸爸的判断！”

Despite the title of her book, the Calmer, Easier, Happier Boys author, is at pains to point out that keeping calm is not always the goal. In fact, she actively encourages play-fighting for boys
虽然这本书名叫《更冷静，更简单，更快乐的男孩》，不过，该书作者煞费苦心地指出遇事冷静并非其目的。事实上，她很积极地鼓励男孩儿打打闹闹。

'Mums generally don’t have an interest in play fighting and they worry someone's going to get hurt, or feelings will get hurt, or clothes will get ripped or something will get damaged.
‘妈妈通常都对那些打打闹闹没多大兴趣。他们要么担心孩子们身心受伤，要么担心衣服被撕烂又或者东西被摔坏。’

'But none of that is as important as boys getting their energy out and through play fighting they learn a lot about how to fight fair.
‘但是任何事都比不上让男孩子们释放他们的精力重要。在打打闹闹的过程中，他们可以从中学习到如何公平决斗。’

'They learn how to control themselves, they learn how not to be too rough - and they also learn how to make amends if it does go too far.'
‘他们学会如何去控制自己，如何去把握尺寸，当做错事后，也知道如何去弥补。’

'Dads can teach boys all of that,' she says but does advise that play fighting that is likely to become manic or annoy others in the house is best taken outside.
‘爸爸们可以教男孩们所有这些本领，’但是她也建议，在家里打闹容易使人变得狂躁并影响别人，所以建议最好选择在户外进行。

Vocabulary

back off：后退，让开

boss around：发号施令

play figh：打闹

grit：咬紧牙关

（翻译：刘伊文SCNU 编辑：江巍 马文英）