纽约自然博物馆重新开张，小保安赖瑞·戴利（本·斯蒂勒 Ben Stiller 饰）带领泰迪·罗斯福（罗宾·威廉姆斯 Robin Williams 饰）策划了精彩的开幕演出。谁知演出刚刚开始没多久，泰迪、猴子他们便陷入混乱，所有博物馆的伙伴们大闹会场，赖瑞为此焦头烂额。事后他发现，复活黄金碑正被绿色的物质腐蚀，而这种情况似乎导致了藏品们的疯狂。赖瑞查找资料，断定黄金碑背后隐藏着不为人知的秘密。为了阻止混乱情况的蔓延，他决定前往大英博物馆求助法老王阿卡曼拉的父亲，当然那堆搞怪的藏品也都尾随而至。途中他们遇见了圆桌骑士兰斯洛特爵士，还和屋大维等伙伴走散。
1. All chalked up, ready to go? 都记下了，准备好了吗？
2. Teddy, ready to roll? 泰迪，准备好演出了吗？
3. Are you here to frame us again? 你到这儿又来陷害我们吗？
4. The buck starts and stops with me. 一切后果都得由我来承担。
5. Now I know you're mental. 我现在知道你疯了。
6. I feel a connection, too. 我也觉得亲切。
7. Lawrence, I couldn't sit idly by. 劳伦斯，我根本闲不住。
8. Doesn't ring a bell. 不怎么熟悉啊。
9. It computes with him. 他总算明白了。
10. He was the one that took the fall for me. 就是他代我受罪。
Hugh Jackman: (singing)...for happily ever-aftering than here in Camelot...
Lancelot: At long last! Guinevere, my love.
Alice Eve: Hi.
Hugh Jackman: Can I help you, mate?
Lancelot: It is I... Sir Lancelot. I have fulfilled my quest.
Alice Eve: Sorry. I'm sorry. I'm not actually Guinevere. I'm Alice Eve, and I think you got a bit confused. Maybe you saw me on stage...
Lancelot: Your voice is like music but I have no idea what you're saying.
Hugh Jackman: Okay. Hey. Hey, man. Hey, buddy. Um... What she's saying is she's not Guinevere because she's an actor. Okay? So am I.
Lancelot: An actor?
Hugh Jackman: Yeah.
Alice Eve: Yeah.
Hugh Jackman: You know?
Alice Eve: Do the crown.
Hugh Jackman: Oh, sorry, of course. Hugh Jackman. It was the crown. I know, the whole...
Lancelot: Huge Ackman? Uh... That's a ridiculous name! It doesn't even sound real! Only a coward would conceal his true identity, Arthur.
Hugh Jackman: No, it's Hugh Jackman.
Lancelot: I, on the other hand, carry the treasure you sought but could never find. Behold the key to life everlasting!
Hugh Jackman: Okay, I love the costume, I love the enthusiasm, but you're gonna have to get off stage now. Sir Lancelot, ladies and gentlemen. Sir Lancelot. Yes! Very good.
Lancelot: Shame on you, Arthur! You don't deserve your crown, and you don't deserve your queen! Prepare to feel the cold kiss of my blade, Huge Ackman!
Hugh Jackman: Hey, buddy, this is all pretend. See, just...
Lancelot: Well, that's not real.
Alice Eve: None of it is.
Lancelot: It's not real.
Hugh Jackman: I mean it was a good performance. We were right in there.
Alice Eve: You were tonight.
Hugh Jackman: But it's not real-real.
Lancelot: It's not real. Not real? Do you know how long I dreamed of Camelot? And for what? For nothing!
Hugh Jackman: Jeez!
Hugh Jackman: No, no, no. Please just take your seats and...
Larry: What's up?
Jedediah: We're just as God made us. Why don't you take a picture? It'll last longer.
Hugh Jackman: Okay, I've tried being nice. That's enough. All right? Get off the stage right now!
Lancelot: Stay back! You don't scare me, Huge Ackman.
Hugh Jackman: Listen, mate, you don't want to fight me, all right? If we go, I will break you. Come on!
Lancelot: What is that? What are you doing?
Alice Eve: He's doing his Wolverine thing.
Hugh Jackman: Yeah. Yeah.
Alice Eve: You know? It's better with the claws and no shirt.
Hugh Jackman: Fair.
Larry: Lancelot! Lancelot!
Staff: Oi, mate! Hey, buddy, that's not an exit!
Larry: Yeah, come on up.
Hugh Jackman: Yep. Come on up! Oh, monkeys. Terrific. I love the costumes.
Larry: Sorry. I just gotta say, you're the whole package, man.
Hugh Jackman: Thanks, buddy.
Alice Eve: He recognized you.
Hugh Jackman: Yeah, that was awesome.
Larry: Hey! Give me the tablet!
Lancelot: Stay back! Stay back. Stand back!
Lancelot: Back! What?
Larry: Your, uh... Your nose, it's...
Lancelot: What about my nose?
Larry: Your nose is dripping.
Larry: It's melting. From the fire. Okay.
Lancelot: How bad is it?
Larry: It is not great.
Lancelot: But I'm Lancelot!
Larry: There never was a Lancelot! Lancelot is a legend. You're not real.
Lancelot: I don't understand!
Larry: I know it's a lot to take in, but please, just give me the tablet.
Lancelot: Oh, and then what? Back to the museum? Stand there as little children ogle and point?
Roosevelt: And learn. And get inspired to do great things. There are far less noble fates, my friend.
Lancelot: Not for me, there aren't! If there is no Camelot...there is no Guinevere and no Lancelot... then I'm nothing. I'm just a sad lump of misshapen wax. Stop looking at my nose!
Larry: I wasn't looking at it.
Lancelot: You were, I saw you. You were like this. "Hmm, hmm." Staring.
Larry: I wasn't like that.
Lancelot: You were! Don't look at it!
Jedediah: It really is hard not to look at.
Octavius: Yes, he is.
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