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Humor Joke 幽默笑话

中国日报网英语点津为您精选语言地道的英语笑话,开心学英语。

哪是麻雀,哪是燕子

2007-06-30 09:17
Teacher: Here are two birds, one is a swallow, the other is sparrow. Now who can tell us which is which?

答非所问!

2007-06-29 08:00
Teacher: Maria, go to the map and find North America.
Maria: Here it is!

You're not going to make it

2007-06-28 09:42
Gravely ill, a man went to the doctor with his wife. After the examination the physician motioned for the wife to meet him in the hallway.

谁的狗最聪明?

2007-06-27 08:56
Four friends were arguing over whose dog was the smartest. The first man, an engineer, called to his dog, "T Square, show your stuff." The dog trotted over to a desk, pulled out a paper and pencil, and drew a perfect triangle.

都是“瞎子”惹的祸

2007-06-26 08:40
A drill sergeant ordered two young female recruits to paint a room in the barracks, stressing that they do not get any paint on their uniforms.

“让我司机回答!”

2007-06-25 08:32
A famous scientist was on his way to yet another lecture when his chauffeur offered an idea. "Hey, boss, I've heard your speech so many times, I bet I could deliver it and give you the night off."

漫画之“晕机袋”

2007-06-24 11:25
I'm happy to report our use of air-sickness bags has declined sharply since we quite serving meals.

“邋遢”的回答

2007-06-22 08:45
My 16-year-old son, Jeff, is a boy any parent would be proud of-until you see the floor of his room, covered with layers of clothes, magazines and sports equipment.

“完美”中的遗憾

2007-06-21 08:32
Girl: You would be a good dancer except for two things.
Boy: What are the two things?
Girl: Your feet.

歌德的宽容

2007-06-20 09:00
Goethe was once strolling on a narrow path in Weimar.

You lose

2007-06-19 08:00
A smart society woman was sitting next to President Coolidge at a party.

Goethe's tolerance

2007-08-18 08:00
Goethe was once strolling on a narrow path in Weimar. As luck would have it, he met with a critic who was hostile to him. Both of them stopped, staring at each other. Then the critic said: “I will never make way for a fool.”
“But I will.” With that Goethe retreated aside.

You lose

2007-06-15 08:00
A smart society woman was sitting next to President Coolidge at a party. “ Oh, Mr President,” she said smilingly, “you are so silent. I made a bet today that I could get more than two words out of you.”“ You lose.” The President said.

Tit for tat

2007-06-14 08:00
Puccini, the composer of the Opera Madame Butterfly often sent a cake to his director Toscanini at Christmas. One year, he did so as usual, but he suddenly remembered he had had words with that famous director. He was very sorry for it. He was afraid that Toscanini might return it. So he sent a telegram: "Sorry. Cake sent by mistake. Puccini." Soon he received a reply: "Sorry. Cake eaten by mistake. Toscanini."

An unlucky man

2007-06-13 08:28
Once Bernard Shaw was having a walk when some harum-scarum cyclist ran into him and Shaw fell to the ground. The cyclist was very sorry and came off his bike to help Shaw get on his feet. Fortunately Shaw was not hurt. The cyclist apologized to Shaw, but Shaw said, "I’m sorry that you are unlucky. If you had killed me, you would be known all over the world."

The answering machine

2007-06-12 08:24
中国家庭并不常用电话答录机(Answering Machine),但在北美家庭,几乎家家都用。外来电话拨入时,若该电话号码的主人不在,就会让拨入者听到一段留言,这叫Answer。绝大多数的Answer都是千篇一律的:说明主人不在,请拨入者留下简短信息及姓名电话号码等。以下几则特别的Answer体现了美国人的幽默,你能体会出其幽默所在吗?

The voice

2007-06-11 08:00
A man was walking in the street when he heard a voice: "Stop! Stand still! If you take one more step, a brick will fall down on your head and kill you."

Past tense

2007-06-08 09:22
Teacher: Today, we're going to talk about the tenses. Now, if I say "I am beautiful," which tense is it?

The job interview

2007-06-07 08:00
A mathematician, an accountant and an economist apply for the same job. The interviewer calls in the mathematician and asks, "What does two plus two equal?"

I'm talking to you

2007-06-06 08:00
Three guys are drinking in a bar when a drunk comes in, staggers up to them, and points at the guy in the middle, shouting, "Your mom’s the best lay in town!"

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