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Humor Joke 幽默笑话

中国日报网英语点津为您精选语言地道的英语笑话,开心学英语。

急中生智

2011-04-08 10:34
Resolving to surprise her husband, an executive’s wife stopped by his office. She found him with his secretary sitting in his lap.

我试过,但是不喜欢

2011-04-07 11:10
A man walked into a bar on a slow night and sat down. After a few minutes, the bartender asked him if he wanted a drink. He replied, “No thanks. I don’t drink. I tried it once, but I didn’t like it.”

牧师来电话

2011-04-06 14:04
“It’s the minister, Mommy,” the child said to her mother. Then she added, “Mommy can’t come to the phone to talk to you right now. She’s hitting the bottle.”

从天堂扔出来

2011-04-02 11:05
Little Johnny’s new baby brother was screaming up a storm. He asked his mom, “Where’d we get him?” His mother replied, “He came from heaven, Johnny.”

黄奶酪和白奶酪的区别

2011-04-01 09:22
She rattled off a list of condiments, but he stopped her when she asked if he wanted white cheese or yellow. “What’s the difference?” Sean asked.

有没有圣诞老人

2011-03-31 09:55
He replied, “Well, my Playstation that I got and my gift from Santa were wrapped in the same kind of wrapping paper.”

痴迷

2011-03-30 10:03
“You all have obsessions,” he observed. To the first mother he said, “You are obsessed with eating. You even named your daughter Candy.”

你是下一个

2011-03-29 11:03
Old aunts used to come up to me at weddings, poking me in the ribs and cackling, telling me, "You're next."

确认

2011-03-28 10:42
He gasps: “My friend is dead! What can I do?” The operator says: “Calm down, I can help. First, let’s make sure he’s dead.”

蜈蚣朋友

2011-03-25 13:49
Steve, a lonely bachelor, wants some company, so he buys a centipede and a small box for it to live in. That evening, he decides to go out.

健忘的老太

2011-03-24 10:24
The third lady smiles smugly, “Well, my memory is just as good as it’s always been, knock on wood,” she says as she raps on the table. Then with a startled look on her face, she asks, “Who’s there?”

医生住在楼下

2011-03-23 10:35
First, your weight wants reducing by nearly fifty pounds. Second, your beauty could be improved if you used about one tenth as much rouge and lipstick. And third, I'm an artist---the doctor lives downstairs.

女人和男人

2011-03-22 10:32
An English professor wrote the words "woman without her man is nothing" on the blackboard and directed students to punctuate them correctly.

打电话的马

2011-03-21 13:17
A man is sitting reading his newspaper when the wife sneaks up behind him and whacks him on the head with a frying pan. "What the hell was that for? " he asks.

英国女孩

2011-03-18 10:47
The wife answered: Thank you honey, what would you like me to bring for you? The husband laughed and said: An English girl!

你知道我是干嘛的吗

2011-03-17 14:00
"Before I came out," said one, "I ran into some of the rooms and found a lot of money. People don't think of money when they're afraid. When anyone leaves paper money in a fire,the fire burns it. So I took all the bills that I could find. No one will be poorer because I took them."

第四元素

2011-03-16 09:57
Teacher: What are the four elements of nature? Student: Fire, air, earth, and... and ... Teacher: And what? Just think it over, what do you wash your hands with?

我就知道你会帮我

2011-03-15 10:00
Smith goes to see his boss in the front office. "Boss," he says: "we're doing some heavy house-cleaning at home tomorrow, and my wife needs me to help with the attic and the garage."

为什么不给我打电话

2011-03-14 15:19
Mrs Harris was very angry last Sunday. She got in a train and went to her son's house in Greensea. Then she said to him, "Geoff, why do you never phone me?"

全世界最傻的小孩

2011-03-11 14:58
A young boy enters a barber shop and the barber whispers to his customer, “This is the dumbest kid in the world. Watch while I prove it to you.”

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